Thank you, Mom!

Read in Jimmy Fallon "thank you notes" fashion:

Thank you, Mom, for literally being the only reason I use the word 'literally' correctly.

Thank you, Mom, for doing my science fair project [board] and making it look like I did it. 

Whenever I think back on all the things my mom did for me I focus on the middle-high school years. I remember all the forgotten assignments brought to me at school, last-minute cramming late at night (hello science fair!), driving from orchestra to cross-country to soccer to basketball to mutual, and drinking green drinks (before they were popular, by the way) with 7-grain crockpot cereal in the morning. I am always so amazed and grateful for that.

One night I was up multiple times with each child and I kept thinking " You have no idea what I'm doing for you right now. You will never know how hard this is for me. You'll never even remember tonight- how I brought you water (Eliza), got soaked in spit up (Andrew), and rocked you for an hour to keep you from screaming (both). You will never appreciate this sacrifice because you will never remember tonight."

Then suddenly I realized that one time--- roughly 24 years ago, I too was a baby and had sweet mom who rocked me all night knowing that I would never remember it, and did it anyway.


When I think about all the things my mom has done for me I completely overlook the long tiring months of being pregnant (and the period of time of not being able to get pregnant), the long painful labor she did drug-free, and the sacrifice she made to leave teaching school to stay home with my siblings and me. Even if she did cry when she was told I was a girl, she still loved me. She nursed me no matter how painful it got. She rocked me to sleep every night so I could fall asleep happy. She woke up countless times in the night because I woke up countless times in the night. With my little brother (child #5!!) she would walk all night bouncing him because he would only sleep being held and would cry if she sat down. And then she had to get up early to get other kids to school! Once they were off she still had that baby and a three year old to take care of all day! And probably coached somebody's team in the afternoon! Plus she likely taught a few piano lessons or took the other kids to various sports/music practice. How?! How did she do it? How can someone be so sleep deprived and drained from giving literally everything they have into their family and just keep going day after day, year after year? I feel like I'm drowning with a newborn and a two year old. I can't even imagine having a new-born, a 3 year old, an 8 year old, an 11 year old, AND a 13 year old. A newborn AND a teenager? Now THAT'S what I call a super power!

She cleaned up mess after mess and cooked meal after meal after meal after meal after meal (repeat forever). The stress, the anxiety, the worry, the sleepless nights, the soccer games, the [boring] track meets, counting diapers and blocks to make sure nothing got lost and searching tirelessly until they were found. We give her a hard time about it but let's be honest--- I'm simply too lazy to care if all 80 Megablocks make it back into the toy box.

Moms, especially mine, deserve a serious shoutout for all the things they've done that have gone unnoticed and unappreciated for so long.

Thanks for the long, sleepless nights. All the meals, all the rides, all the meals, all the practices, games, and performances, all the doctors appointments, all the green drinks, herbal tea, foot massages, in-home hair color experiments, the parent teacher conferences, the meals, the trips, all the sports equipment, and the all the love. This list could go on forever (literally). 

Thank you Mom. 

(I love this picture of my Mom!)

God loves us. Always.

"God does notice us, and he watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs." -Spencer W. Kimball

But sometimes, God does notice us and while watching over us, He meets our needs himself in small little blessings throughout day.

In May we moved from Logan to Salt Lake into my parent's basement. I was 8 months pregnant and we only moved about a quarter of our things, the rest was in storage to move to Pullman, WA at the beginning of August. It was sad and stressful to leave Logan, it was frustrating to not have all my things with me, and while I am so grateful for my parents in letting us stay in their basement, it's stressful to live in someone else's space. The birth of my 2nd child was quickly approaching and I had to decide if I was going to have a repeat c section or try for vaginal birth. While I was leaning towards the c section, it felt as if everyone thought that was the worst idea ever and I felt like a bad person for wanting it. Stressful. My first was 21 months old. Stressful. Things like insurance, student loans, getting housing and everything else for Pullman figured out, worrying about the new baby, worrying about how Eliza would handle it, and life in general.... Stressful! I wish there was a stronger word to use.

I was exhausted. I wasn't sleeping in my bed, with my pillows, with my sheets... and I was 8 months pregnant with a body that was falling apart. 

So exhaustion + hormones + stress=

Here's the word so many people are afraid of...ANXIETY.

And my anxiety became depression. I was depressed. I didn't want to get out of bed, I didn't want time to move forward because that meant change. And change was the last thing I needed or wanted.

I prayed. Not very well though. Laying on my side briefly mustering up a few thanks and a few requests before painfully drifting off into an uncomfortable sleep. 

Scripture study was even worse. I'd get at least a verse but if it was more than that my weary brain would wander into other territory. 

Despite my lack of effort, despite how little I was trying to connect to God, He still blessed me. I've always believed that blessings follow obedience. But I was not doing the little things that usually bring the spirit into my life and allow me to feel close to God. In fact, I didn't feel close at all. And I didn't really feel like trying.

But every day, multiple times a day, I felt God's love for me. Every day I heard that still small voice whisper to me over and over, "I know this is hard. I know you're doing everything you can and I know you don't feel like it's enough. And I love you. I love you so much, I will take care of you. I will get you through this."

I always meant to write down the little blessing that happened but never got around to it. They were so minuscule that I can't remember most of them now. 

But one I do remember: I was on the phone for something and received bad news about that something (pregnancy/newborn brain has caused me to lose the details). I hung up about to break down in tears but I noticed I'd gotten an important e-mail I'd been waiting for at that exact time. Such a little thing, but I knew that God was on my side and no matter how many frustrating phone calls it took, everything would work out for me. 

Another time I went to the grocery store and found exactly what I needed on the first time down the aisle. Some people might not think that's a big deal. But it was to me. It was huge in that moment. That's exactly what I needed. 

Little blessings. Every day. God was watching over me. And I know he loves me.  Now I'm in a much better place and am able to pray, read, and serve with more fervor and the blessings just keep coming. Because He is my Father and I know he loves me. I know he loves each and every one of us. He is constantly pouring blessings out because we are our children. Even though we aren't perfect, even though life gets us down, he is always there for us. Always. 

I've taken myself for granted far too long

The other day I was looking for a picture and came across these pictures from my freshman year of college:

There was something in these pictures that shocked me. The girl in those pictures is NOT the girl in my memory. I won’t go into all the details of the differences between those two Aimees because they aren’t important to anyone but me. What is important is that the girl in those pictures is reality and sadly, the girl in my memory has been warped.

Suddenly I realized- I’ve been taking myself for granted. I have not fully appreciated myself for all that I am...and that’s so sad. I’m not talking just about weight, looks, and running ability either. It got me to thinking about all my talents and abilities that I have not appreciated how special they are. For example, people used to tell me what I great smile I had. That actually happened a lot, especially from people that I didn’t even know. I always thought it was weird and never saw what they did. But I can see it in those pictures- I see so much more clearly now what they saw. (This isn’t supposed to sound vain so I hope it’s not coming off that way).

I have been given so much but I have spent far too much of my life focusing on what I wasn’t that I’ve ended up wasting a lot of time.

To further illustrate this point, I’ll take you back to my high school track days. I wanted to be a miler, it’s only four times around the track. For a while my fastest time was a 5:32. Now, if you’re not a runner that sounds fast. But I promise, it’s not. It’s good, but not great. That time wouldn’t get me to a state meet. So when I finally broke my record and got a 5:28 I was ecstatic!!! Breaking the 5:30 barrier was huge for me! But that excitement didn’t last long. Maybe only until my next mile. I didn’t get another 5:28,in fact I never broke that time. To this day I have never run a mile faster than 5:28. I was so focused on where I wasn’t, I didn’t appreciate how fast I was. but now I wonder, when would I have been happy? How fast would I have had to get to feel like I was a good enough runner? My guess is it wouldn’t have happened. If I could have beat 5:28 I would have been thrilled for a short time and then I wouldn’t have been happy until I beat that next personal record and the next and the next.

I’m not saying that I shouldn’t try to improve- of course I should. I just wonder how things might have been different had I celebrated where I was at and what I did to get there instead of constantly berating myself for not being better.

I do this to myself all the time. I’m not a great housekeeper. But holy smokes I’m so much better than I was when I first got married. Yet I’m still constantly getting down on myself for it. Dave has to remind me all the time that it’s ok and I can try again tomorrow. And he really appreciates my growth. I’m so much better than I used to be and that's something to celebrate while continuing to improve.

I think we can celebrate our gifts and talents and still be humble. In fact I think we all need celebrate ourselves a little more. I believe this will lead to more happiness and greater success. Let’s not waste our talents by not acknowledging them until it’s too late.

"Blast out 10!" (A small lesson of patience)

When I was a junior in high school I had the opportunity to take AP Chemistry with 4 of my really good friends. It was a small class and we were close so it made the class a lot of fun. I even (mostly) enjoyed labs on Saturdays because I got to spend more time with my friends. 

One of the most memorable labs was the day we did titrations. Very briefly, a titration is a way to figure out the concentration of an acid. To do this you slowly add a base that you know the concentration of to the acid. The more base you add, the more neutral the solution will become. When it is completely neutral it changes colors. By calculating how much base you had to put in to make it neutral, you can figure out what the concentration of the acid is. The fun part is adding the one drop completely that changes the solution from clear to pink.


To see how awesome this is, watch this video. You can skip through it. 2:35 is where the solution finally changes. I know I'm geeky, I think titrations are really fun.

Well if you've ever done a titration without the cool technology that tracks everything for you, then you know that this process can take a LONG time. You have to add the base literally one drop at a time, opening and closing the stopcock every time. So it's no surprise that a group got a little impatient and one member finally instructed: "Just blast out 10 [mL]!" So they did. And in the midst of those 10 mL the acid turned neutral and they had no idea at what point it happened so their experiment was ruined. 

I was reminded of this experience the other day when I was making rolls. I don't know about you, but every yeast bread recipe I have ever tried calls for about half the flour I actually end up using. Well I had been patiently adding more flour 1/4 c at a time and finally got tired of it and dumped in an entire cup. Well, that was too much flour and while they weren't completely ruined, they weren't the best rolls I've ever made. 

But it got me to thinking, why is the exact moment I lose my patience, precisely the moment I need it the most?

So I got to studying patience. In Preach my Gospel (PMG) it defines patience as: "the capacity to endure delay, trouble, opposition, or suffering without becoming angry, frustrated, or anxious. It is the ability to do God's will and accept His timing." 

It goes on to explain: "When you are patient, you hold up under pressure and are able to face adversity calmly and hopefully. Patience is related to hope and faith—you must wait for the Lord’s promised blessings to be fulfilled. You need patience in your everyday experiences and relationships, especially with your companion. You must be patient with all people, yourself included, as you work to overcome faults and weaknesses." 

I read this talk called: PATIENCE—A HEAVENLY VIRTUE by President Monson.

It described 3 patient people: Christ, Job, and Joseph Smith. I realized that patience is perhaps the most important Christlike attribute. It encompasses faith, hope, humility, knowledge, and diligence. The most Christlike people are also the most patient people. 

Here are a few quotes I really liked: 
Life is full of difficulties, some minor and others of a more serious nature. There seems to be an unending supply of challenges for one and all. Our problem is that we often expect instantaneous solutions to such challenges, forgetting that frequently the heavenly virtue of patience is required.

Today in our hurried and hectic lives, we could well go back to an earlier time for the lesson taught us regarding crossing dangerous streets. “Stop, look, and listen” were the watchwords. Could we not apply them now? Stop from a reckless road to ruin. Look upward for heavenly help. Listen for His invitation: “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”

Yet they trusted in the Lord with all their hearts, and they leaned not to their own understanding. In all their ways they acknowledged Him, and He directed their paths.

Some quotes from Neal A Maxwell on the subject:

"Clearly, without patience, we will learn less in life. We will see less. We will feel less. We will hear less. Ironically, "rush" and "more" usually mean "less." The pressures of "now" time and time again, go against the grain of the gospel with its eternalism." (Patience and the Law of the Harvest)

"Sometimes that which we are doing is correct enough but simply needs to be persisted in patiently, not for a minute or a moment but sometimes for years. Paul speaks of the marathon of life and of how we must "run with patience the race that is set before us" (Hebrews 12:1). Paul did not select the hundred-meter dash for his analogy!"

"Very importantly, it is patience, when combined with love, which permits us "in process of time" to detoxify our disappointments. Patience and love take the radioactivity out of our resentments. These are neither small nor occasional needs in most of our lives."

Put another way, too much anxious opening of the oven door and the cake falls instead of rising. So it is with us. If we are always selfishly taking our temperature to see if we are happy, we will not be.

(I got these out of my Neal A Maxwell quote book but most of them can be found in this talk by him. AMAZING and a definitely must read!)

The last talk I read is called The Power of Patience given by Robert C. Oaks. 

Here are my favorite quotes:

How often do we hear oppressed souls ask foolishly, “How could God do this to me?” when really they should be praying for strength to “beareth” and “endureth all things.”

Is patience important and worthy of our pondering and pursuit? ... It is if we would seek to become after the manner of Christ.

Recently I attended the funeral of a lifelong friend. His son told a beautiful story of parental patience. When the son was in his youth, his dad owned a motorcycle dealership. One day they received a shipment of shiny new motorcycles, and they lined them all up in the store. The boy did what every boy would like to do, and he climbed up on the closest one. He even started it up. Then, when he figured he had pushed his luck far enough, he jumped off. To his dismay, his dismount knocked the first bike down. Then, like a string of dominoes, they all went down, one after another. His dad heard the commotion and looked out from behind the partition where he was working. Slowly, smiling, he said, “Well, son, we had better fix one up and sell it, so we can pay for the rest of them.” I think my friend’s response personifies parental patience.

Elder Neal A. Maxwell linked patience and faith together when he taught: “Patience is tied very closely to faith in our Heavenly Father. Actually, when we are unduly impatient, we are suggesting that we know what is best—better than does God. Or, at least, we are asserting that our timetable is better than His” (“Patience,” Ensign, Oct. 1980, 28).

I didn't copy over very much from this talk because I wanted this post to be short. If I would have copied everything I liked it would have been the entire talk! He also gives a formula to help us become more patient. I highly recommend that you go read the talk :)

Mormons, Sex, and the Temple

The LDS church has a reputation for being embarrassed, quiet, and ashamed about sexuality. I went to a University in Utah and majored in an all-girl major so I heard a lot of rumors about sexuality, on both ends of the spectrum. For example:

"I heard about this girl who couldn't have sex for a year because she thought she was sinning. By the time she was ready, her husband wasn't interested. They've been married 3 years and have never done it."

"I can't believe they are getting married in the temple! I know for a fact they are not worthy to!"

It doesn't matter whether or not either of these are true. What matters is that we change the stigma around "sex is bad." So that the first girl wouldn't feel so uncomfortable and so the second couple would understand the purpose of it and be better able to practice self-control. Most people don't actually believe that it is bad, I mean just look at the size of a typical Mormon family. But it is a common misconception. I think parents simply aren't sure what is or isn't appropriate to discuss at what age. We don't want to to teach too little, but we don't want to teach too much too soon. We err on both sides of the line.

 If you ever bring up the topic of sex, a lot of people will feel uncomfortable. Or you wish they would be more uncomfortable about it. But overall, most people will agree that in the church, the topic is too hush-hush. I know a lot of girls struggle when they are first married because they are taught "no-no-no-no-no!" and then all of a sudden they've been gifted 15 pieces of lingerie, they're locked in the bathroom freaking out while changing into one of those pieces (which is the front of this thong??) with their new husband sitting on the king sized bed with some KY jelly on the night stand (what is that even for??) and have to walk out practically naked- baring all to this person who  hasn't seen above her knee or below her collarbone. Even though she sees sex everywhere and has fought the desire for it for the past 6 months, now that it's here she freezes. She's embarrassed and scared. She isn't sure what's supposed to happen... Suddenly, just cuddling and watching a movie doesn't sound so bad!

Everyone blames the schools: our sex-ed is outdated. Then they blame the church. Eventually they blame the parents. They demand we become more open about this taboo topic. 

But you know what else we don't talk about? You know what else is hush-hush? You know what else is terrifying, mysterious, and off limits until you're ready? The temple.

Just like it would be a sin to enter the temple unworthily or before you were ready, participating in the highest act of love and creation, where husband and wife literally become one, is also a sin. 

We don't not talk about the temple because it's bad. We don't talk about it because it's sacred. It's special. So we keep it sacred and special by not talking about it all time. If we wore our Sunday best everyday, it would become everyday wear and wouldn't be special anymore.

We shouldn't talk about physical intimacy in most situations, not because it's bad, but because it is very, very sacred. It is incredibly special. There is a time and a place to discuss these things and we should be properly prepared for it. Just like we get hints and glimpses of the temple, we need to teach our children how to prepare for physical intimacy through appropriate friends, dating, hygiene, respect, etc. 

So how do we do this? It starts with little children. We teach them about their bodies. We teach them to respect it, to keep it clean, and to be grateful for that wonderful gift. As they get older we teach the anatomy and physiology and discuss what is proper. In teens years we encourage them to date appropriately and to be chaste, despite everything they see and feel. We teach them self control through out their whole life. At age 7 it might be teaching them to resist taking a cookie but at 17 that same skill could protect their virtue. A huge part is having open communication through their whole life. I feel like this quote sums up anything I could say on that subject:

Listen earnestly to anything your children want to tell you, no matter what. If you don't listen eagerly to the little stuff when they are little, they won't tell you the big stuff when they are big, because to them all of it has always been big stuff. 

~Catherine M. Wallace~

Most people want to prepare their children, but they don't know how. The church has put out this Parent's Guide (link) to help. It has a chapter for each age group and is filled quotes from apostles and scriptures on the topic. I was surprised at how many there were! It is very straightforward. It will help you have spiritual experiences with your children. It will help you have a better understanding of this wonderful procreating power. It might even strengthen your own marriage, no matter how long you've been married. In a world that makes the act of marriage so carnal and dirty, this book reminds us the true purpose and sacredness of it all.

Dating Confessions via Youtube

Dating is a fascinating subject to me. Now that I'm married I'm studying it like crazy! (It seems backwards to me too.) I realize even more how lucky I was to end up with Dave because I had no idea how to date! I want to teach teens about dating and in writing up lesson plans, I came up with some of my own "dating confessions" that hopefully can be used as a cautionary tale. I thought I'd share them with you. 

My Girl's Ex-Boyfriend, Relient K

Lyrics

For a really long time I thought this was such a great song. So good in fact, I thought it should be Dave's theme song.

When she and I settle down you can bet
That he is going to have to settle for less
He's someone that I would hate to be
I got the girl and he's left with just the memory.

Because I am just that great, right? Wrong. Recently I spent some time with mutual friends of a past flame and guess what? Turns out he is doing just fine without me, and I'm sure all the other exes are as well.

Gives You Hell, All-American Rejects

Lyrics

"Now you'll never see
What you've done to me
You can take back your memories
They're no good to me
And here's all your lies
You can't look me in the eyes
With the sad, sad look
That you wear so well"

Even though I've been married for 3 years I still love this song. Sometimes l think very hard about a certain person whenever it plays and I hope he telepathically feels my frustration and irritation at him from so long ago. Even though I'm pretty sure it was mostly my fault.

Real mature, I know. But seriously,  Guy-Who-Shall-Stay-Unnamed, when you see my face (or facebook posts is more likely) I hope it gives you...

Wannabe, Spice Girls

Lyrics

I know every word to this song. Every. word. And I choreographed a dance to it. No you cannot see it. Ever. 

What does it have to do with dating? Because the teen years are the time to have fun! 

Also:

 I won't be hasty, I'll give you a try
If you really bug me then I'll say goodbye.

Best lyrics ever.

Easy Lover, Phil Collins

Lyrics

Someone once told me that this song reminded them of me. I totally didn't get it at the time. Now, I'm offended.

"She will play around and leave you
Leave you and deceive you
Better forget it
Oh you'll regret it"

Ouch! 

The Longest Time, Billy Joel

Lyrics 

"I think you ought to know that
I intend to hold you for
The longest time"

I thought that was the sweetest thing I could ever hear from someone. My friend insisted that once I found the right guy, he'd say nicer things than that. 

He does.

Built to Last

Lyrics   

Oh, this song... such a good one!  It definitely was my theme song for Dave after our 1st date. I'd looked for love in much stranger places than a co worker's roommate. And his smile did (and still does) make me feel like I can be a better person. Everyone who knew us was rooting for us before we realized how special it was ourselves (Our first date was in September and by December people were asking when we were getting engaged. We weren't even serious by that point.)

'Cause this is real and this is good
It warms the inside just like it should
But most of all
Most of all it's built to last

What songs describe your love history? Or at least one relationship? (Or lack thereof...)

What Do Sports Actually Teach?

Since having El, Dave and I have discussed what activities we'd like to put her in. We've received a lot of advice about what she'll learn in each. Some have said no gymnastics past age 6 because of the focus on body weight and image (but really, what sport doesn't have that when you're a girl??). My mom didn't put me in dance in hopes I wouldn't turn out vain. I played soccer and looking back I think about all the wonderful things I learned:  how to work hard, how to focus, how to keep at something even when you want to quit, etc.

So when I first heard about the 17 year old who punched a ref which caused brain injuries that killed him I was horrified at his behavior! But it got me to thinking, what are kids actually learning in sports? I remember watching coaches and parents scream, yell, and threaten other coaches, parents, and even players. Nearly everyone I played with and against swore. {I am proud to say that I never swore. At least, not out loud. Definitely had them come into mind. But I had enough self control not to say any of them.} We all expressed extremely negative emotions against clubs, teams, coaches, refs, and specific girls.

I'll admit it. I'm totally making fun of a player with my hair in this pic. I'm still proud to say I knocked her flat, didn't get a call, and she was TICKED! (I weighed more than she did so when we tackled the ball at the same time, she went flying. I didn't touch her. The ref was right not to call anything.) ( I still feel the urge to explain myself... WHY?!)

I'd also like to mention that I'm trying really hard not to comment that she deserved it because of how cocky she was and that she was just a lazy forward. I took this photo from my facebook and my captions as well as the comments are just plain rude and I'm embarrassed I ever said them about her.

So, what else did soccer actually teach me? That it's ok and funny to make fun of other players. Sometimes it was out of jealousy, other times it was because she was a terrible keeper (writing that I still smile about that memory of BYU soccer camp in 2002) . That it's OK to have a vulgar mouth, but just in sports. That it's OK to be out of control, angry, and to defy authority. Refs are stupid blind idiots and any game that is lost is their fault. Let's not take any responsibility for our own mistakes. 

EVEN CROSS COUNTRY taught me negative things. (How ridiculous does that sound??? High School Girl's Cross Country... as if anyone even cared about that, haha!) I'm ashamed to think about how long it took me to get over my hatred of Alta. I still remember the names of girls I raced against. I remember my coach teaching me how to "kidney punch" after a runner wouldn't let me pass (She stayed half a step in front of me. I even ran out to the 4th lane to pass and she moved with me... it was ridiculous). I learned how to be jealous of my best friend because for the first time she beat me and I could never beat her again. I learned how to give attitude to coaches and how to be cocky.

We thought we were SO cool! Now this is kind of embarrassing.

From both sports: I learned that winning is all that matters. If you don't win, you're not worth anything. I learned that if I can't win something, I'm not going to try it. This prevented me from trying new things and having fun just playing a game. I developed a competitive nature, where I always wanted to get the best score and was secretly elated when someone failed- that meant I was better than they were. That meant I won. I was constantly comparing myself to everyone I met: "I'm prettier, she has no life, I'm way funnier, she's bigger, I'm better, he's a know-it-all...how's that for not being vain?

Yes, I learned plenty of good things, but I learned some pretty nasty things too that I'm still working on correcting.

I think it all boils down to a child's coach and parents. If she has a coach who is vulgar, disrespectful, and out of control, chances are she and the entire team will act that same way. Parents play a huge role in setting a good example. My friend tells me about when she played soccer and would complain about a bad ref. Her dad would remind her over and over again, "refs are people too." While it was annoying to her at the time, now she is grateful for his example. As she got older and was frustrated at a ref, she always remembered her dad saying, "refs are people too."

This is a call to all parents, coaches, and every adult. Our children will learn exactly what you teach them by the way you act. Be the example of how to act, what to say, and how to be. Win gracefully, lose positively, and manage your emotions in all situations. 

I'm curious, what activities did you participate in and what  negative things did you learn from them?