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It's not a secret that Calvin was not part of our original plan. (He was however a planned pregnancy. I'm not sure why I always feel the need to state that haha. Maybe something to do with not wanting to appear irresponsible or something.)
When Andrew was about 3 months old, I had the distinct impression: “Aimee, you need to have another baby.” So I replied, “I know. And I will. In 3 years.” and the spirit told me again, “No, you need to have another baby now.”
So I told Dave. Andrew was a really hard baby. He didn’t sleep well and screamed at night. He had really bad reflux and our health provider wasn’t helpful with his reflux problems. We’d just moved to a new state with no family around and we hardly saw Dave because of school. I’d just been called to be Relief Society president after going to church literally two times. There was a lot...too much… going on in my life. I could barely even handle my current baby, let alone think about having another.
So Dave and I decided that “now” was relative and probably meant after he graduated, like we’d always planned. Plus I’d even gotten an IUD because I was so certain we wouldn’t be adding #3 until later. We decided to get pregnant with Andrew earlier than we originally planned because I really didn’t want to have a baby in Pullman.
But I couldn’t shake the feeling that I needed to have another baby. Now. As in NOT in 3 years. So after a few months of fighting the spirit, justifying my reasons for waiting, and even challenging God (remember He is over all so that's not a smart thing to do) Dave and I finally found peace in knowing it was time to add Payne baby #3 to the craziness.
One day I started getting forgetful and clumsy and then really sick while making Dave’s lunch in the morning. We knew I was pregnant but still needed a test.
Do you know that it’s impossible to find a $1 pregnancy test in a college town 2 weeks after Valentine’s Day? I’m not even kidding I went to 4 stores and they were all sold out. I ended up driving all the way to Idaho* to find one under $20.
I had a healthy pregnancy. Baby measured a few days big at 20 week ultrasound. I was totally right about him being a boy. I’m 3/3 now :). I was huge. In July we went to Seattle for a rotation and so many people asked about when I was due and were surprised to hear that I had almost 3 more months to go! By the end I was so uncomfortable. Sleeping was the WORST. In the mornings I had to crawl to the bathroom. It was pathetic. I was huge and miserable. I finally understand what other women go through. I will forever be much more sympathetic!
Well we scheduled the C-section for Monday Oct 19. I had to go in at 5AM to get prepped for the surgery. I barely slept. I got maybe 3 hours of sleep and wasn’t allowed to eat 8 hours before surgery so I was hungry, tired, and nervous.
They got me set up with an IV and asked if I would let a nursing student do it. I said yes and requested it go in my right arm. She didn’t hit a vein and I ended up with a nasty bruise for a while. The actual nurse then insisted that she had to put it in herself on my left side and said that she prefers placing it in people’s hands. So it was in my left hand, the absolutely last place I would want it (I’m left handed). They gave me fluids and antibiotics and I started getting shaky. I’m not sure if it’s because fluids are cold or because I was having anxiety. Maybe both. But then I started to get nauseous. With my last two c-sections I blamed the nausea on the meds but I'm fairly certain that throwing up is not a side effect of saline.
Pullman doesn’t have an actual anesthesiologist, they have nurse anesthetists. I had already told my doctor I wasn’t comfortable with that but he assured me they were well trained and I would be fine. My nurse anesthetist brought a student along and asked my permission to have him check out my throat and take a history. Of course I let him because I’d want someone to give my husband, also a medical student, a chance to practice, especially with something as minor as that.
Well then the nausea was really kicking in because I was watching the clock and it was getting closer and closer to go time. My doctor came in and was talking to the anesthesia people and mid conversation with them he suddenly asked if I was feeling nauseous. I wanted to say I was fine but I really was about to throw up so I told him the truth and he had the student give me something nasty to drink. It helped a little. I’m really impressed that Dr. Adkins saw me do some non-verbal cue that I was feeling nauseous out of the corner of his eye and took care of it. He’s a fabulous doctor.
They walked Dave and me to the operating room and I was seriously panicking. Dave and a nurse were completely supporting me because I could barely walk and was shaking so badly (I’m gonna stick with it was because of the cold fluids haha). I kept apologizing for being such a wuss but everyone kept telling me I was doing great. Everyone said that with Andrew’s c-section too. It kinda annoys me because I’m not doing anything. I’m being essentially carried everywhere because I’m too worked up to walk or I'm laying on a table sobbing while a doctor cuts me open, retrieves my baby, then sews me up… but I’m the one doing a good job? Nope, I’m the pathetic mess who is terrified of labor but really wants lots of babies. The doctor again assured me that how I was feeling and acting was completely normal. In fact, he’s had a patient have a panic attack on the table so don’t worry, you’re doing great. (How embarrasing, right?! At least I'm not THAT bad...) (read on friends, read on.)
They made Dave wait outside the operating room while I got my spinal block. I have no idea why he couldn’t be with me, no one would tell me. He was with me when I had my spinal with the other 2 so I didn't expect this. I was sitting there on the table waiting for several minutes awkwardly making conversation with the nurse trying so hard not to cry. They finally gave me my shot but I hated that I was clinging to a random nurse (she was fantastic though BTW) instead of my husband. The shot hurt really bad. But it was the student doing it. I didn’t realize that allowing him to check my throat meant he was running my anesthesia! I wasn’t happy about that at all.
They put on my blood pressure cuff (maybe this happened before the block?) but I was shaking so hard it couldn’t get a good reading so it just kept getting tighter and tighter and not releasing. If there wasn’t an IV in my other hand I would have ripped off the cuff. I insisted that it was going to end with my arm being amputated but they made me take deep breaths (didn’t do anything) and eventually it released.
Finally Dave was brought into the room and I was shaking and sobbing uncontrollably and nothing had even happened. I was so embarrassed.
They finally started going and I was a wreck, I got really nauseous again, certain I was going to throw up so I’m crying more because I don’t want to and I’m begging for them to give me something to make it go away. They told me they did. I told them it’s not working it’s not working it’s not working oh there it is… relief. Then that stupid blood pressure cuff is trying to squeeze my arm off again. Deep breaths they say, deep breaths. Well I was numb higher than I remember being with my last c-section. My arms felt really heavy, I couldn’t lift them which was good because I seriously wanted to rip out my IV and the blood pressure cuff. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t see (the curtain and everyone around me blocked my view, my vision was fine). I kept complaining about everything, I’m itchy, I’m cold, I’m going to throw up, etc. And with every comment my doctor calmly told the anesthetist student to change something with my meds and then it went away. He’s amazing, people, amazing!
Then I lost it. Like completely. Full on anxiety/panic attack. I envisioned myself ripping everything off my arms, and running out of the room. That image kept going through my head over and over. I was sobbing and shaking and telling them how much I didn’t want to do this, I needed to get out, RIGHT NOW. Dr. Adkins calmly told me that it was ok to feel this way. My brain knew that something traumatic was happening and was responding in the appropriate manner- fight or flight. Apparently my body was choosing flight. My panic continued to escalate and I remember everyone asking if he would give me benedryl. For some reason he hadn’t and didn’t want to but eventually I was able to calm myself down and relax to a point of blocking everything out except voices. Then when one of the nurses peered over at me and reported I was asleep, (I basically was, but I was aware of people around me and could hear them) I realized that he’d probably given me some help in calming down :).
Then I heard it, the doctor invited Dave to watch him pull out the baby and announce, “Wow! This is a big baby!” Surely he was joking. Or hasn’t seen a baby in a really long time. But then I heard the nurse shout out “8 lbs 10 ounces.” If I could have talked I would have asked if their scale was broken. My other babies were 6 lbs 9 oz and 6 lbs 7 oz. He was making some weird coughing sound and they had to check him out because it could mean something was wrong with his lungs but he was fine, there was just a lot of fluid in his lungs. The doctor told me I had a LOT of fluid. I felt totally justified in all my complaining the last few weeks.
The doctor stitched me up and of course Dave asked about what suture pattern he was using. Then later Dr. Adkins taught him how to do it with their shoelaces :) Seriously best doctor ever.
Calvin was a large and swollen (from all the amniotic fluid) newborn. He looked totally different from my other two and I kept asking to make sure he hadn’t been switched or anything (lingering anxiety I guess). But we eventually bonded. I’m not sure if it’s all the drugs or what but it takes me a day to really feel connected to my babies. It’s just so surreal at first.
My pain was managed excellently. I talked to my doctor beforehand about my previous births (a c-section is still a birth even though a lot of people treat it like it’s not) and we (HE) adjusted my meds accordingly. For example, I scratched my face raw after having Andrew so he cut my morphine in half. I had a nausea patch for 3 days so he changed something else to make me less nauseated from the drugs. He also gave me a side tap which numbed my abs for 24 hours, which helped me get onto oral meds faster since the IV meds make me sick and they won’t switch you if you’re puking. After the surgery he mentioned how sensitive I was to the IV meds. I guess at one point my heart rate dropped to the 30s.
But my recovery was AMAZING! I got my catheter out that night (I thought he was joking when he made that goal for me) and was up walking really soon. My energy and walking ability leaving the hospital was where I was at 2 weeks post Andrew and 2 weeks post Calvin I was doing things that I was doing 2 months post Andrew. My doctor explained that he uses a different technique that causes less blood loss and less trauma to the mother. I think every doctor should use this technique :)
I still prefer Alta View hospital over Pullman Regional but it was still a good experience (you know, other than the major panic attack during the actual surgery). Some nurses were fantastic, some weren’t (whereas all my nurses at Alta View were fantastic). I really REALLY wish there was an actual anesthesiologist there. But overall I was happy with my experience. Dr. Adkins and Dr. Guida did a wonderful job with the surgery and my and Calvin’s care. In a perfect world I would have Adkins come to Alta View for my next baby :)
*Idaho is like 5 miles away.
