The other day I was looking for a picture and came across these pictures from my freshman year of college:
There was something in these pictures that shocked me. The girl in those pictures is NOT the girl in my memory. I won’t go into all the details of the differences between those two Aimees because they aren’t important to anyone but me. What is important is that the girl in those pictures is reality and sadly, the girl in my memory has been warped.
Suddenly I realized- I’ve been taking myself for granted. I have not fully appreciated myself for all that I am...and that’s so sad. I’m not talking just about weight, looks, and running ability either. It got me to thinking about all my talents and abilities that I have not appreciated how special they are. For example, people used to tell me what I great smile I had. That actually happened a lot, especially from people that I didn’t even know. I always thought it was weird and never saw what they did. But I can see it in those pictures- I see so much more clearly now what they saw. (This isn’t supposed to sound vain so I hope it’s not coming off that way).
I have been given so much but I have spent far too much of my life focusing on what I wasn’t that I’ve ended up wasting a lot of time.
To further illustrate this point, I’ll take you back to my high school track days. I wanted to be a miler, it’s only four times around the track. For a while my fastest time was a 5:32. Now, if you’re not a runner that sounds fast. But I promise, it’s not. It’s good, but not great. That time wouldn’t get me to a state meet. So when I finally broke my record and got a 5:28 I was ecstatic!!! Breaking the 5:30 barrier was huge for me! But that excitement didn’t last long. Maybe only until my next mile. I didn’t get another 5:28,in fact I never broke that time. To this day I have never run a mile faster than 5:28. I was so focused on where I wasn’t, I didn’t appreciate how fast I was. but now I wonder, when would I have been happy? How fast would I have had to get to feel like I was a good enough runner? My guess is it wouldn’t have happened. If I could have beat 5:28 I would have been thrilled for a short time and then I wouldn’t have been happy until I beat that next personal record and the next and the next.
I’m not saying that I shouldn’t try to improve- of course I should. I just wonder how things might have been different had I celebrated where I was at and what I did to get there instead of constantly berating myself for not being better.
I do this to myself all the time. I’m not a great housekeeper. But holy smokes I’m so much better than I was when I first got married. Yet I’m still constantly getting down on myself for it. Dave has to remind me all the time that it’s ok and I can try again tomorrow. And he really appreciates my growth. I’m so much better than I used to be and that's something to celebrate while continuing to improve.
I think we can celebrate our gifts and talents and still be humble. In fact I think we all need celebrate ourselves a little more. I believe this will lead to more happiness and greater success. Let’s not waste our talents by not acknowledging them until it’s too late.
