What Do Sports Actually Teach?

Since having El, Dave and I have discussed what activities we'd like to put her in. We've received a lot of advice about what she'll learn in each. Some have said no gymnastics past age 6 because of the focus on body weight and image (but really, what sport doesn't have that when you're a girl??). My mom didn't put me in dance in hopes I wouldn't turn out vain. I played soccer and looking back I think about all the wonderful things I learned:  how to work hard, how to focus, how to keep at something even when you want to quit, etc.

So when I first heard about the 17 year old who punched a ref which caused brain injuries that killed him I was horrified at his behavior! But it got me to thinking, what are kids actually learning in sports? I remember watching coaches and parents scream, yell, and threaten other coaches, parents, and even players. Nearly everyone I played with and against swore. {I am proud to say that I never swore. At least, not out loud. Definitely had them come into mind. But I had enough self control not to say any of them.} We all expressed extremely negative emotions against clubs, teams, coaches, refs, and specific girls.

I'll admit it. I'm totally making fun of a player with my hair in this pic. I'm still proud to say I knocked her flat, didn't get a call, and she was TICKED! (I weighed more than she did so when we tackled the ball at the same time, she went flying. I didn't touch her. The ref was right not to call anything.) ( I still feel the urge to explain myself... WHY?!)

I'd also like to mention that I'm trying really hard not to comment that she deserved it because of how cocky she was and that she was just a lazy forward. I took this photo from my facebook and my captions as well as the comments are just plain rude and I'm embarrassed I ever said them about her.

So, what else did soccer actually teach me? That it's ok and funny to make fun of other players. Sometimes it was out of jealousy, other times it was because she was a terrible keeper (writing that I still smile about that memory of BYU soccer camp in 2002) . That it's OK to have a vulgar mouth, but just in sports. That it's OK to be out of control, angry, and to defy authority. Refs are stupid blind idiots and any game that is lost is their fault. Let's not take any responsibility for our own mistakes. 

EVEN CROSS COUNTRY taught me negative things. (How ridiculous does that sound??? High School Girl's Cross Country... as if anyone even cared about that, haha!) I'm ashamed to think about how long it took me to get over my hatred of Alta. I still remember the names of girls I raced against. I remember my coach teaching me how to "kidney punch" after a runner wouldn't let me pass (She stayed half a step in front of me. I even ran out to the 4th lane to pass and she moved with me... it was ridiculous). I learned how to be jealous of my best friend because for the first time she beat me and I could never beat her again. I learned how to give attitude to coaches and how to be cocky.

We thought we were SO cool! Now this is kind of embarrassing.

From both sports: I learned that winning is all that matters. If you don't win, you're not worth anything. I learned that if I can't win something, I'm not going to try it. This prevented me from trying new things and having fun just playing a game. I developed a competitive nature, where I always wanted to get the best score and was secretly elated when someone failed- that meant I was better than they were. That meant I won. I was constantly comparing myself to everyone I met: "I'm prettier, she has no life, I'm way funnier, she's bigger, I'm better, he's a know-it-all...how's that for not being vain?

Yes, I learned plenty of good things, but I learned some pretty nasty things too that I'm still working on correcting.

I think it all boils down to a child's coach and parents. If she has a coach who is vulgar, disrespectful, and out of control, chances are she and the entire team will act that same way. Parents play a huge role in setting a good example. My friend tells me about when she played soccer and would complain about a bad ref. Her dad would remind her over and over again, "refs are people too." While it was annoying to her at the time, now she is grateful for his example. As she got older and was frustrated at a ref, she always remembered her dad saying, "refs are people too."

This is a call to all parents, coaches, and every adult. Our children will learn exactly what you teach them by the way you act. Be the example of how to act, what to say, and how to be. Win gracefully, lose positively, and manage your emotions in all situations. 

I'm curious, what activities did you participate in and what  negative things did you learn from them?

23 Years of Wisdom

In honor of my 23rd birthday on Friday, I've compiled a list of a few things I've learned so far in my life. This is not a comprehensive list as that would be impossible. Mostly these are life lessons, but maybe I'll throw in a few practical lessons as well. Who knows? Read on to find out!

When trying to attract friends, we often try to tell stories that make us look really interesting. What's more appealing however, is to listen to others and make them feel like they are interesting. Doing this will increase your chances that they will want to be your friend.


Preheat your oven when baking cookies. Putting them in a cold oven will make them come out flat, melted looking, hard, and/or crispy. 

Creativity in life is essential!! Just this last Sunday we had 5 lasagnas in the oven, set to cook so they'd be ready for a family gathering after church. Well the oven didn't go on and we had 5 nearly frozen lasagnas and a large extended family to feed. So we cut it up in pieces and microwaved them. You can't live life without being at least a little creative.

Along those same lines, it's good to practice our creativity. Whether it's painting, writing, singing, composing, sewing, cooking, or anything at all, it's important to continue that process. I love to write and I have written countless chapters to novels I've never finished. I was going to start another one, but then I thought to myself,   "Why? I'm not going to finish it, I never do." Then I realized how silly that is. Just because it will never be published doesn't mean I shouldn't do it.

Forgiveness is key. Forgive always. Everyone, all the time, including yourself. We have no right to not forgive. 

If you put things where they belong, they will always be there.

This talk. Let people (including yourself) move on from who they used to be. 

Sarcasm is rarely funny. I once heard "sarcasm is the lowest form of humor." This is hard for me because I can be very sarcastic and I grew up in a very sarcastic family (much to my mother's chagrin, I know). There was a time in my life when I was proud of my sarcastic nature. I was a freshman running cross country and there was a senior boy who I really, really liked. We had a game called "The Burn Game" where essentially, you get a point for every mean thing you say to the other person. I gave him a run for his money! One meet at UVU (I still remember!) I said something that went too far (I don't remember what at this point) and he was not happy with me. When we got back to the high school I was going to get a ride home with my neighbor, but my Burn Game opponent insisted that I ride with him. I don't remember anything else except that I was terrified as I walked to his car. He talked to me about how I had gone too far and we needed to stop the game. I started to wonder, if someone as tough skinned as he was could be hurt by a sarcastic comment, how many others had I hurt with my careless remarks?

The brain doesn't fully develop until around age 25. This is why teenagers do some stupid things. 

Thinking before you speak has AMAZING benefits. This is something I've only recently gotten in the habit of but it has saved my hide many a time! So much easier to keep my mouth shut than have to explain my thoughtlessness! 

People are more important than things. (But seriously, how cute is little Anna??)

There's a saying out there that I think is supposed to inspire people to get through tough times. It has many variations, but gist of it is "Don't you complain about your trials, someone out there is going through something much harder than you are!" This is something my amazing friend Kalina, who beat stage 4 ovarian cancer taught me: "I don’t want to minimize your struggles. Just because I have cancer, a huge and very obvious struggle, doesn’t make your struggles any less or any easier. I think every struggle is just as real and just as hard as any other one. It sucks not getting asked to prom! Yeah, you don’t have cancer, but you also don’t have a date. And that can hurt. You didn’t make the varsity baseball team? Ouch. You were planning on doing that in college. Now what?" (this is from her speech to a high school English class. Read the whole speech here. Check out her Amazing story here.) It's ok to hurt, and it's ok to feel sorry. But how does thinking that someone else has it worse make it better? You are feeling that way and it's OK! If someone else told you that, "aw, that's no reason to be upset!" We'd be furious at them. But when we tell ourselves that it's ok? Focus on the positive, keep your head up. You can get through whatever you're going through!

Giving a baby juice in a bottle or sippy cup can cause bottle rot. Giving a bottle while going to bed (with the child laying flat on his back) can cause ear infections.

Journals are absolutely priceless!!!

Sometimes you're in a position to serve, sometimes you are the one that needs help. There is absolutely no shame in asking for it. Most people would jump at the chance to help you if they knew you needed it. Once you get on your feet again, then you pay it forward by helping out someone else.

It's only a problem if it's a problem for you. (From my sister)

Everything has a price (not just monetary). Everything has a value. Everything.

Children are people too. They have feelings, likes, dislikes, good moods, bad days, favorite books, weird sleeping positions...just like adults. Don't hold that against them. They are doing the best they can!

If you have a thought to do something good. Just do it.

I learned this one from my mom: JUST ASK. In most cases, the worst that can happen is they say no.

Visiting teaching is an awesome program! I think everyone should have and be a visiting teacher!

I saved this one for last because I think it's so cool. I learned it from a women in my mom's ward who has a certain tough trial every day. She said, "In less than 100 years, this will all be over. All I have to do is show up every day with a smile on my face." That put everything into perspective for me!