So when I first heard about the 17 year old who punched a ref which caused brain injuries that killed him I was horrified at his behavior! But it got me to thinking, what are kids actually learning in sports? I remember watching coaches and parents scream, yell, and threaten other coaches, parents, and even players. Nearly everyone I played with and against swore. {I am proud to say that I never swore. At least, not out loud. Definitely had them come into mind. But I had enough self control not to say any of them.} We all expressed extremely negative emotions against clubs, teams, coaches, refs, and specific girls.
I'd also like to mention that I'm trying really hard not to comment that she deserved it because of how cocky she was and that she was just a lazy forward. I took this photo from my facebook and my captions as well as the comments are just plain rude and I'm embarrassed I ever said them about her.
So, what else did soccer actually teach me? That it's ok and funny to make fun of other players. Sometimes it was out of jealousy, other times it was because she was a terrible keeper (writing that I still smile about that memory of BYU soccer camp in 2002) . That it's OK to have a vulgar mouth, but just in sports. That it's OK to be out of control, angry, and to defy authority. Refs are stupid blind idiots and any game that is lost is their fault. Let's not take any responsibility for our own mistakes.
EVEN CROSS COUNTRY taught me negative things. (How ridiculous does that sound??? High School Girl's Cross Country... as if anyone even cared about that, haha!) I'm ashamed to think about how long it took me to get over my hatred of Alta. I still remember the names of girls I raced against. I remember my coach teaching me how to "kidney punch" after a runner wouldn't let me pass (She stayed half a step in front of me. I even ran out to the 4th lane to pass and she moved with me... it was ridiculous). I learned how to be jealous of my best friend because for the first time she beat me and I could never beat her again. I learned how to give attitude to coaches and how to be cocky.
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| We thought we were SO cool! Now this is kind of embarrassing. |
Yes, I learned plenty of good things, but I learned some pretty nasty things too that I'm still working on correcting.
I think it all boils down to a child's coach and parents. If she has a coach who is vulgar, disrespectful, and out of control, chances are she and the entire team will act that same way. Parents play a huge role in setting a good example. My friend tells me about when she played soccer and would complain about a bad ref. Her dad would remind her over and over again, "refs are people too." While it was annoying to her at the time, now she is grateful for his example. As she got older and was frustrated at a ref, she always remembered her dad saying, "refs are people too."
This is a call to all parents, coaches, and every adult. Our children will learn exactly what you teach them by the way you act. Be the example of how to act, what to say, and how to be. Win gracefully, lose positively, and manage your emotions in all situations.
I'm curious, what activities did you participate in and what negative things did you learn from them?
That is kind of a sad commentary. I know a lot of people DO learn these things, but I think many more learn good things. I remember telling teams that we shouldn't "hate" a team, just because they were good, we should just practice hard so we can be as good as they are. Playing poorly and winning is much less satisfying than playing very well and still losing. the sad thing is, we see all of the things you are talking about far more often than we see the good stuff.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I do agree that I learned and had many of these same thoughts and issues (i'll even admit that i was horrible at keeping my cussing words to just myself hehe), i also have to say a lot of these things come from human nature, as sad as that sounds. I am competitive by blood, and that is something that I don't feel I learned in sports. I do think that I learned a lot more good things than bad things through playing soccer, basketball, etc. So many of my life lessons and things I cherish, good personality traits, and such can be related back to soccer and experiences I had with teammates.
ReplyDeleteIt is sad the great lengths coaches go to 'just to win'. I remember a sitting on the sideline talking with teammates about a girl on the other team who was notorious for tearing girls' ACL's.. when Brent (our assistant coach at the time) leaned over to me and said 'If I put you in, will you take her out?" I thought he was joking, i laughed and sarcastically replied 'yeah right... (she was much bigger than myself) .. hahah I'll try coach".. That is when he looked at me and said 'You either do it or you don't. I'll pull you if you can't and i'll put someone in that can." REALLY SAD. I have never forgotten that and quite frankly it pissed all the girls off on the team.. our team was not known for pulling things like that and it was sad that a coach (a temporary coach) was teaching good girls to act that way. Pathetic and sad. BUT I still stand by my good experiences outweighing my bad! :)
This totally caught my eye seeing as we grew up playing on practically all the same teams. :) Going with what Haley said, I think that a big (if not the main) contributor to what we learn through sports, or any extracurricular for that matter, comes from what we are taught by our coaches. If I had a coach that taught me from a young age to "tear girls' ACL's", I would have become that player. And that side of me probably would have spilled over into my "non-sport" life (meaning school, church, etc). However, I never had a coach like that. Or, at least one that made an impression on me enough were what I was learning at home/church wouldn't kick in and let me know that I shouldn't be acting that way, no matter the circumstance. (Did that make sense?)
ReplyDeleteI think I am who I am today because I grew up playing sports. But, I also grew up dancing, singing, playing the piano and doing about every other extracurricular out there. (Thank you Mama C. ;) ) I think that the competitive attitude I learned playing soccer helped me not to let others take advantage of me, or push me around. My experiences in sports provided me life experience I couldn't have gained anywhere else. And most important, the friendships I gained, I wouldn't trade for the world. :) Sure, I had some poor and even hard/heartbreaking things happen, but overall, I agree with Haley; my good experiences DEFINITELY outweigh any bad. :)
Man, some of that sounds brutal! I've been spiked, purposefully elbowed in the face (she got a tech for that), and things could get rough on the court. I've never had a coach tell me to take anyone out or teach me jabbing techniques. But I didn't play ball all through high school, maybe things would have been different if I had. If a ref did make a bad call, I always figured in my head that we should have played well enough so that one ref call didn't make the difference between winning and losing. But that's my own thinking and that was basketball. I've seen my high school girls soccer team lose state because of a bad call or lack of a call I guess. So maybe in soccer reffing can make more of a difference in the outcome of a game. I hated when girls won't let you pass them on the track, I always sped up a when passing so they couldn't do that which took a lot of energy.
ReplyDeleteWhat I certainly have experience with is (and still(: ) having a stroong distaste for another other team (who had open enrollment at their school and recruited from other schools including ours) and still remembering the names (and actions) of runners and players. Especially if we were roughly at the same level and she always just barely beat me. Funny thing is, one girl from the school I hated ended up being in my college major and doing our internship the same semester. We became friends but I would never talk about sports :) And when she posts her times for races now, I have to keep my mind on a positive track because I can be so competitive. I think that is probably the worst thing that I came out of sports with, comparing myself to others. It seems to be the nature of any sport, comparing yourself to someone or a number to push yourself to be better, but it dribbles into other aspects of life. Like school. When Nathan and I got married I really had to work on being encouraging and congratulating with him rather than competing and trying to one-up. Now that I'm out of school and we're not taking the same classes as we once did, it's a lot easier :)