The Truth About Having 2 Kids

Back when Andrew was only 2 months old, I felt like I should write down what was happening in my life so others contemplating a 2nd might be able to understand how life would change. And now after reading it, I realize it was a lot more for my benefit to see how much I've grown and changed. I haven't been brave enough to post it before now but I think I'm ready for it. Remember this was my experience and it was just a few days. Some have better experiences and some have worse. So here it is:

I have two children, Eliza who turned two two days ago and Andrew who is 8.5 weeks old. This is my experience raising these children.

This morning was awful. For some reason my body decided to double the amount of milk it makes or maybe Andrew didn't eat as well last night but either way I woke up feeling like I was laying on a rock. Of course he just keeps snoozing away in his bouncer and doesn't care that his lack of appetite is causing me so much pain. But his lack of concern didn't matter because before 6 AM Eliza came screaming down the hall and laid right on top of me. I really hoped Dave would take her. I was more awake than usual but I played dead in hopes Dave would take her off my hands. Or my painfully engorged chest in this case... I could hear the irritation in his voice but I played possum well. I'd already started so I figured I'd better finish strong. He left the room with her and I could tell he was already highly irritated with her which made me feel bad but I wasn't sure I'd be any more patient so I let it play out until I could tell they had had enough of each other. I made Dave go back to bed "I'm up now, its fine" he said "Lay down for 2 minutes and you'll fall asleep" I replied "Yeah probably" he doesn't move. "Seriously, go back to bed. There's no reason for us both to be awake so if you don't go back to bed, I will" (and trust me, I meant it)

He went back to bed. I eventually got Eliza to fall asleep then I bathed and changed Andrew. I tried to go back to sleep as well but it always seems that is the best time to remember everything I need to do. It turned out fine though as Eliza came screaming down the hall again. Dave mumbled "l'll get her" when I was half way down the hall. We cuddled for a while but eventually I couldn't stand my smell any longer so we took a shower. I shower every day. I'm not sure what it is, probably the crazy hormones and hopefully they figure themselves out soon because I always smell! 

I feel really bad about my body. I hurt, I'm pudgy, I smell. I get tired holding my kids. I have a constant mild headache, I'm stressed about the move. Nothing fits right and we have more family pictures. I'm not sure what my knee is going to do when I start exercising. I want to run. I know it will be frustrating.

I'm starting to feel anxious and depressed again.

Saturday, August 2
Went to bed at almost 1. Andrew woke up to eat at 2,4,&6 Eliza came in at 7. Dave hit me in the face and gave me a bloody nose sometime when I was actually sleeping. He apologized for the next 3 hours until I yelled at him to stop. He hadn't stopped talking in his sleep all night. My friend came over so I could hem her dress. Did it creatively to keep original hem. Ended up taking off twice the amount necessary (glad I didn't cut anything). Sewed a practice of Andrews blessing pants . Failed miserably. Had a break down, asked to borrow Jennies. Tried again, worked! Made official pair, my first project where no unpicking was necessary. Dropped into bed. Eliza woke up. Looking at the time I realized I didn't have time for a nap. Visited Dave's grandma. Braved a new, large, terrifying store. Had dinner with in laws. Organized and finalized clothing selection. Feel dumb because I'm the only one who thinks the gray and brown didn't look good together. But whatever because Eliza makes everything look good.

Go home. Feel bad about not fitting into clothes. In love with jeggings. Probably look ridiculous. I don't  care.

Sunday
Eliza was crazy during pictures. Super stressed about moving. I'm barely hanging on, barely keeping it together. I just want to cry and then sleep for 12 hours. And then watch TV by myself. Feeling depressed and lonely but mostly I feel stupid for feeling that way. Why can't I just get my act together? I need to just get my stuff packed. Organized, folded...not a big deal, right? I'll just send Eliza away for a few hours a day. I'm excited for my massage on Tuesday. I really need to relax. Why is Dave obsessing over getting rid of our couch? I need to sell our drier.

I still want to cry. Eliza is out of control right now. She should have gone to bed 2 hours ago. I just want to be in Pullman. I can't handle the stress anymore.

Monday
Andrew usually wakes up at 3 or 4 to eat. He slept until 6! I am ecstatic! and I feel great!

So there it is... if you are struggling, give me a call. I'll listen to you vent then take your kids for a few hours so you can cry, sleep, and watch TV. I'm grateful for all my family and friends who helped me through that rough patch!

 (I forgot about Andrew's old-man-baldness haha)

(OK fine...my gray and Eliza's brown doesn't look bad)