The LDS church has a reputation for being embarrassed, quiet, and ashamed about sexuality. I went to a University in Utah and majored in an all-girl major so I heard a lot of rumors about sexuality, on both ends of the spectrum. For example:
"I heard about this girl who couldn't have sex for a year because she thought she was sinning. By the time she was ready, her husband wasn't interested. They've been married 3 years and have never done it."
"I can't believe they are getting married in the temple! I know for a fact they are not worthy to!"
It doesn't matter whether or not either of these are true. What matters is that we change the stigma around "sex is bad." So that the first girl wouldn't feel so uncomfortable and so the second couple would understand the purpose of it and be better able to practice self-control. Most people don't actually believe that it is bad, I mean just look at the size of a typical Mormon family. But it is a common misconception. I think parents simply aren't sure what is or isn't appropriate to discuss at what age. We don't want to to teach too little, but we don't want to teach too much too soon. We err on both sides of the line.
If you ever bring up the topic of sex, a lot of people will feel uncomfortable. Or you wish they would be more uncomfortable about it. But overall, most people will agree that in the church, the topic is too hush-hush. I know a lot of girls struggle when they are first married because they are taught "no-no-no-no-no!" and then all of a sudden they've been gifted 15 pieces of lingerie, they're locked in the bathroom freaking out while changing into one of those pieces (which is the front of this thong??) with their new husband sitting on the king sized bed with some KY jelly on the night stand (what is that even for??) and have to walk out practically naked- baring all to this person who hasn't seen above her knee or below her collarbone. Even though she sees sex everywhere and has fought the desire for it for the past 6 months, now that it's here she freezes. She's embarrassed and scared. She isn't sure what's supposed to happen... Suddenly, just cuddling and watching a movie doesn't sound so bad!
Everyone blames the schools: our sex-ed is outdated. Then they blame the church. Eventually they blame the parents. They demand we become more open about this taboo topic.
But you know what else we don't talk about? You know what else is hush-hush? You know what else is terrifying, mysterious, and off limits until you're ready? The temple.
Just like it would be a sin to enter the temple unworthily or before you were ready, participating in the highest act of love and creation, where husband and wife literally become one, is also a sin.
We don't not talk about the temple because it's bad. We don't talk about it because it's sacred. It's special. So we keep it sacred and special by not talking about it all time. If we wore our Sunday best everyday, it would become everyday wear and wouldn't be special anymore.
We shouldn't talk about physical intimacy in most situations, not because it's bad, but because it is very, very sacred. It is incredibly special. There is a time and a place to discuss these things and we should be properly prepared for it. Just like we get hints and glimpses of the temple, we need to teach our children how to prepare for physical intimacy through appropriate friends, dating, hygiene, respect, etc.
So how do we do this? It starts with little children. We teach them about their bodies. We teach them to respect it, to keep it clean, and to be grateful for that wonderful gift. As they get older we teach the anatomy and physiology and discuss what is proper. In teens years we encourage them to date appropriately and to be chaste, despite everything they see and feel. We teach them self control through out their whole life. At age 7 it might be teaching them to resist taking a cookie but at 17 that same skill could protect their virtue. A huge part is having open communication through their whole life. I feel like this quote sums up anything I could say on that subject:
Listen
earnestly to anything your children want to tell you, no matter what. If
you don't listen eagerly to the little stuff when they are little, they
won't tell you the big stuff when they are big, because to them all of
it has always been big stuff.
~Catherine M. Wallace~
Most people want to prepare their children, but they don't know how. The church has put out this Parent's Guide (link) to help. It has a chapter for each age group and is filled quotes from apostles and scriptures on the topic. I was surprised at how many there were! It is very straightforward. It will help you have spiritual experiences with your children. It will help you have a better understanding of this wonderful procreating power. It might even strengthen your own marriage, no matter how long you've been married. In a world that makes the act of marriage so carnal and dirty, this book reminds us the true purpose and sacredness of it all.
