Is it too much to ask

(Jan 15 2016)

I love motherhood and I love my kids. There is nothing more fulfilling for me to do right now. But every day I find myself asking myself, is it too much to ask...

• To sleep past 5:30 AM?
• To do my makeup without having to do my daughters too 
• To eat a meal without a child touching me
• To sit and eat for longer than 5 minutes without being asked to do something
• To not help Eliza do absolutely everything 
• To have the kids do the dishes...and vacuum... (OK at 1 and 3 it probably is)
• Have more than one room clean at a time
• Have time to finish a project. Just one.
• To get a nap
• Have my husband give me an hour massage every night? (probably it is)
• To not hear "MOOOOOMMM!!! MOOOOMMM!!!! MOOOMM! litererally every 5 seconds?

What is home?

In August 2014 my parents drove me, squished in the back seat between Eliza (barely 2) and Andrew (2 months) of our Hyundai Sonata, to Pullman for the final two years of Dave’s vet school. It had been a stressful summer (see my previous post “The Truth About Having Two Kids”) and I was ready to move on to this next phase but still sad to leave the only place I’d called home.

I walked into our apartment, seeing it for the very first time and I was crushed. It was not what I expected. I walked through each room clenching my jaw tightly trying to hold back the tears. I repeated over and over to myself “I hate this place. I hate this place. This isn’t my home. This will never be home.” I knew that eventually I’d break down and start to like it here (because I’m a big softy) so in my anger I promised myself that I would be sure to hate this place every day. No making friends. No pictures on the wall. I could not let this become home because I hated it.

Well Dave convinced me to put the pictures on the wall. I protested to him, out loud, that despite the family collage above the couch, this would never be my home.

I still didn’t leave the apartment. I let grandparents and Dave take Eliza out to the playground for as long as possible. I couldn’t leave the apartment.

Well eventually Dave had to start school and I couldn’t keep letting Eliza watch 5 episodes of Curious George a day so we starting going outside and we both started making friends.

Oh and I was called as Relief Society president after only attending church twice. So then I really couldn’t keep my promise of not making friends.

My heart was slowly changed. I love it here. This is my home and I cry harder at the thought of leaving than I ever did at the thought of staying.

I have the best friends here. These last two years have been the absolute hardest and most trying years so far, but they have also been the best. I required a lot of help in that time because my husband was gone 90% of the time and my kids are ridiculously and exhaustingly emotionally needy. I’ve had many meals, treats, and cards brought by on bad days and someone noticed. I’ve had friends come over at bedtime and help me rock my babies to sleep. I’ve had friends talk me through dark moments of my life when I was so depressed I cried just thinking about having to put all three kids in the car. I’ve had friends help me grow and change and teach me how to be a better mother, wife, housekeeper, cook, seamstress, and person in general. I’ve had friends here who I can trust with my children. I’ve had real friends, best friends.

So Pullman, WA as I drive away 2 years later (with three children this time!) much more comfortably in our red Minivan, the Hot Tamale, I must thank you. Thank you for being a random small town in the middle of a giant wheat field filled with the best times and people I could possibly have hoped for.

Whose Life Is It Anyway?

The other day I ran into a friend while I was taking the kids to the park and she was going to go pick up her husband from school to take him somewhere else he needed to go. She joked that her life revolved around his schedule. Which then got me thinking how much my life seriously revolves around my own husband and kids. Since kids and vet school, my life has not been my own. I don’t get to determine basically anything for myself. I guess I pick what we eat...but even then I can’t take more than 2 bites without having to get up and help someone. That’s been weighing on my mind a lot lately and I’ve been feeling rather taken for granted and unappreciated. It’s been frustrating as I notice more and more and more how much everyone else controls my life and how little I get return. My friend Candice summed it up nicely: “[Motherhood] requires so much more inner strength, personal sacrifice and unsung effort than anything.”

The other night, after a few long weeks of Dave coming home after 9, whiny, cranky kids with eye/nose/ear infections and teething, and doing everything for all three of them because they are either unable or unwilling to do anything themselves, all these feelings came to a head and I broke down.

As I was sitting there, mourning the loss of my own life, the spirit whispered to me, “Guess who else didn’t live a life for himself?” And I suddenly realized that all this sacrifice I’m doing is actually making me more Christlike. Remember when John the Baptist died and Christ went to mourn his loss and people still followed him? 

Matt 14:13 When Jesus heard of it, he departed thence by ship into a desert place apart: and when the people had heard thereof, they followed him on foot out of the cities.

Sound familiar, moms?? It might as well read: "When mom heard the fighting, she departed thence by sweat pants into a desert place: and when the children had heard thereof, they followed her on foot into the closet/pantry/bathroom." 

Matt 14:14 And Jesus went forth, and saw a great multitude, and was moved with compassion toward them

Wow. I don't know about you, but when I'm at my low points as I'm sure Christ was upon hearing about the death of his dear friend and cousin, my reaction is sometimes loud and always selfish. "Why can't I have any privacy?!" But what did Christ do? He was moved with compassion and healed their sick. 

This was the whole reason Christ came to earth. He came for us, not for himself. My children need me like I need Christ. They are as dependent on me as I should be on Christ. 

We are supposed to become like he is. So if any of you feel the way I've been feeling these last few weeks, don't feel lost anymore. Being a woman, a mom, or a wife, requires us to give every part of us to those around us. But it is not all for naught. We have our reward as we become Christlike through these trials.  

John 15:13- Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.

Carl Heinrich Bloch - The complete works

Outfit of the Day

Today I'm excited to share with you my outfit of the day!! You guys I have been waiting so long to be able to share this with you. Unfortunately what I'm wearing is so exclusive (or old...whichever) you probably won't be able to find them anywhere but I will link you to what I can!).

#Jeggings: my mom gave them to me when I was awkwardly pregnant...too big for normal clothes too small for maternity. She probably got them on #clearance at #Walmart

#Top:  $5 Utah State University athletic department. Leftover t-shirt from when they hosted a high school track meet.

#Hair: left-over slept in pony. Love my #SecondDay hair!!

(Also featured because I know you'll ask!! Equate body lotion with #exclusive pump handle, soft soap hand soap $1, multiple use spray bottle (got it at Lee's grocery store...sorry to my readers outside of Northern Utah)

(If I was a real blogger and got paid $400+ per instagram post featuring a brand I'd probably spend a few minutes getting ready too.)

!!Stay tuned for my big nursery reveal!!

My anti-blog blog post

I used to click on every parenting related article my friends shared. I’m sure you’ve been there too. They captivate you with titles like “Why I don’t teach my child to share” and “5 reasons we don’t home school.” Then usually they provide a very valid, very convincing (at least for me. but I’m easy to convince), very one sided opinion. Then I would always read the comments and I always regretted it. People are flat out mean! They would call the author and anyone else who agreed stupid, or a wide range or other insults. Or those in support would be overwhelming in their defense of the author and there would be full on comment wars between people who probably don’t even know each other in real life.

I finally got sick of it and now I scroll past links in my Facebook feed. Every now and then I’ll read one here or there but I can’t stomach it anymore. I just can’t. I get it Moms, I do. We’d love to be more social if we could but we have kids, laundry, dishes, husbands, church, crafts, and a whole slew of things that take up our time. Our one year old couldn’t care less about listening to our opinion on baby wearing or co sleeping. So when we have a free minute to click on a link and feel a connection with another human being, even if it is virtual, we take it. Finally we can share our opinions with the world and feel like we are being heard.

But we’re also getting hurt. Before clicking on a few interesting looking links I had no idea that I was a weak self-absorbed person for even considering a repeat c-section. And the fact I had an epidural with my first delivery? I have zero mental toughness.

I had two experiences that made me realize how damaging mommy blogging (and commenting) can be. My best friend from high school was visiting me when our babies were over a year old, maybe 14 months give or take. She was sitting on the ground and her daughter started pulling at her shirt so I asked if she was still nursing. She looked embarrassed and stuttered over an answer so I quickly jumped in to tell her that I was still nursing my baby too. She looked so relieved. Because we were in person, I could see that my question made her feel uncomfortable so I was able to react and make the situation better instantly. That is impossible to do online. This experience actually made our friendship stronger because we had yet another thing in common. And then we had someone to turn to when we had questions later. This was even better than reading an article that discussed the benefits of nursing past a year. It was more than knowing a group of random women are still nursing, it was my best friend who is going through the same thing I am, feeling the same things I am and now I can talk to her whenever I need to! It was a much more positive experience than other “conversations” I’ve seen online about nursing past a year. Women have been called everything from selfish to helicopter based solely on the age they stopped nursing. Because that’s clearly a fair basis for harsh judgments.

Another day I was at the park with a different friend and we were talking about our babies (as always). She told me her son was on formula because she didn’t like breastfeeding. She did it for a few months but it wasn’t the magical special bonding experience breastfeeding proponents make it out to be. It wasn’t painful or hard, her son didn’t have reflux or allergies, she simply chose not to do it. I replied that I understood and for me, nursing was less hassle than formula and Eliza never liked formula anyway. Then we moved on. No vicious comments about what a terrible mom she was for not breastfeeding when she could. Or that she was putting her child at a disadvantage. Think of all the moms who want to breastfeed but can’t and she was throwing that amazing gift out the window.  I wasn’t criticized for being weird and nursing past 6 months.

These two experiences made me realize the power of actual human interaction. Maybe we should all put down our phones and our computers and have an actual conversation with an actual person sometimes. We just might come out feeling validated and enlightened even when someone has a different opinion.

Pregnancy and Baby tips on a budget!

So many people are afraid of having kids because of how expensive they are. Yes another family member means more money spent but I assure you that a child doesn't need to bankrupt you. I know it's hard when we see gorgeous nurseries on Pinterest but your baby can come home from the hospital and sleep in a $20 pack n play you got off Craigslist wrapped in a blanket from a friend and she will survive just fine. Yes, a $600 stroller is probably a lot easier to fold up one handed and use in general, but if you can't afford it, your child will live through it. There's nothing wrong with buying nice or high end things, but don't get stuck in the trap of "needing" top of the line items.

Here are a few ways I've made having babies a little easier on our bank accounts as well as some tips for getting through it all.

Pregnancy

Sleep

• If you are having a hard time sleeping at night, get a pregnancy pillow! They are pretty pricey so I tried out this boomerang pillow from Shopko and have loved it! It supports my hips and back and doesn’t take up the entire bed, I love it! And you can usually find it on sale for $15! My first pregnancy I was trying to save money and so I’d sleep with 3 different pillows propped around me. It was a little ridiculous and I’d wake up a lot to shift the pillows. With my 2nd I bought one of these and wondered why I didn’t get one the first time around! I actually still slept with it well after baby was here.

• Sleep as much as you can. You might feel lazy but I promise that when the baby comes you will curse yourself for not sleeping more when you had the chance.

• Maternity clothes can be pretty pricey. Check out your nearest Ross for shirts under $10 and pants/shorts less than $20. (and if you don't mind used clothes the D.I, Goodwill, or consignment stores are a great option too!)

• If you have muscle cramps, soreness, or charlie horses, increase your Tums intake. Those are often signs of not having enough calcium. Helps with heartburn as well (obviously). Your body takes care of your baby first and since the baby is growing his entire skeleton, it tends to take a lot of your calcium. I remember in my Nutrition class my professor telling us that undernourished women will lose their teeth during pregnancy due to a lack of calcium (and other nutrients) so increase your calcium! And take a multivitamin every day!

• You do not have to suffer when you’re pregnant. A lot of people think that there aren’t safe medications to take while pregnant, especially for a cold but there is! Call your doctor to find out what is safe.  I promise. Don’t suffer when it’s not necessary. There are enough pains you can’t do anything about so take care of what you can. (When you’re nursing cold medicines get trickier because sinus relievers will dry up your milk).  If you have such bad heartburn that Tums aren’t touching it, talk to your doctor about something stronger. I used Prilosec and it was amazing to not have heartburn.

• And at the same time, new studies are always coming out about what's safe or not. I took Zofran with baby #2 and by baby #3 (which wasn't that long after) there was some evidence that it might cause birth defects so my doctor prescribed me something else. So basically, use your best judgement. Don't suffer, but make sure you talk with your health provider about what is safe (many medications have been proven safe so you shouldn't have to worry) and what possible side effects there might be.

• If you are suffering from morning sickness, try keeping crackers by your bed and eat a few before even sitting up. I would feel fine until I stood up then the nausea would come on and there was nothing I could do about it. Preventative care is always worth it. I also ate a lot of candy canes (luckily I was pregnant around Christmas) because peppermint helps with nausea. Protein in the morning also helps with morning sickness. I drank chocolate milk and a whole wheat bagel with peanut butter every morning my first trimester and it helped SO much. But if these don’t work, don’t be scared to ask for an anti-nausea medication. When I finally “broke down” and got some I felt to dumb for trying to just “get through” the nausea. I was a new person when I didn’t feel like I needed to run to the bathroom every 30 minutes

• If you are a C-section mama, I recommend getting a belly band for support after. I really liked this one. It's NOT shapeware, it's a bit bulky but not too bad. I LOVED having it in the hospital and for the weeks after, especially at night when I'm getting out of bed to get the baby. I feel like I was more stable and not as easily fatigued when I used this after baby #2 vs baby #1 when I didn't use anything (both c-sections)

Nursing

• Nursing Bras: It's nice to have a good stash of these, especially if you are prone to leaking. $20 for a bra doesn't sound too bad, but if you are changing it at least once a day, having plenty can get pricey. I used these Bandinis from Walmart (about 2/$10). I like them because they have great coverage and you can wear them with straps or with out. Without straps makes night feeding really easy. I even found some on the clearance rack for $1 so I bought all they had in my size. By the way, if you're using them for right after baby, but a size or 2 bigger than you normally would.
• 

• On the topic of nursing...reusable nursing pads. This is one of the few times my pregnancy fatigue laziness worked out. My friend showed me how to make some reusable nursing pads by sewing or serging together 5 circles of flannel. Well I don't have a serger and I have a bad relationship with my mom's sewing machine so all I did was get the circles cut out. When it came time to use them I stacked as many as I needed and stuck them in my bra. I'd use 6 at night and 3 during the day, sometimes only 1 if I wasn't worried but wanted a little bit of protection, just in case. Make them about 6 inches in diameter using any flannel (no one sees them, so it doesn't have to be cute. Wash them with whatever laundry you want. I can't remember how many I made but if you're using 12 a day and doing laundry once a week you'd need 84. They are also nice to soak in water and freeze then apply to sore breasts.

• You can make a nursing tanktop for under $2 and no sewing required. Simply cut the straps off a cami. I know there are tutorials out there about sewing a loop so it hooks on your bra, but camis are tight enough they stay up all by themselves. I like using them so my back doesn't show when I nurse. Forever 21 has really inexpensive camis in a lot of colors and styles.
• 

• Baby

• If you've got a particularly spitty baby and burp cloths just aren't cutting it, try using microfiber cloths for burp rags. My brother-in-law held bought us a big Costco pack after holding my little one for 15 minutes. I assure you, they were well used!

• Lets talk pajamas: There's nothing cuter than footie pajamas. But if you buy the footless ones like these from Children's Place then they last a lot longer. Just put socks on your kiddo to keep their toes warm if their room gets cold at night. I also love the sleep dresses, once they don't cover my babies legs any more I use them as their pajama top and an inexpensive pack of pants or footed pants on bottom, making their value last much longer.

• Amazon mom: If your baby needs brand name diapers and wipes this is the way to go. They often have coupons to clip as well so I check back every few days and will order diapers in advanced so I can get name brand diapers for cheaper than Walmart brand. I also have been really liking their Amazon essentials wipes. But I've found it's hard to recommend brands for diapers and wipes because every baby's bottom is different.

Mary Kay Spring Cleaning Sale (30% 0ff)

It's time to clean out my inventory!! On all of these I'm offering 30% off. Free shipping. Black text is copied from MaryKay.Com, blue text is my review and personal opinion of the product :) Happy discount shopping!
(*price is per single item)

Travel Roll-Up Bag
Quantity: 2
Original Price: $35
Sale Price (including tax): $26.10

This all-in-one must-have organizer is ideal for storing your Mary Kay® cosmetics, skin care products and accessories whether you’re at home or on the road.

• Stylish bag features a black nylon exterior with the Mary Kay® logo, pink interior and black swivel hook for easy hanging.
• Inside, there are four clear, removable plastic zippered compartments to keep beauty supplies organized.
• Simple velcro close and nylon carrying handle make for easy portability.

I absolutely love my roll-up bag. Living in tiny apartments with very litter drawer/counter/cupboard space for the last 6 years has been made so much easier by this! I can fit all of my make up, face products, contacts and solution, hair elastics and bobby pins in the one convenient bag. Keep in under the sink or hang on the wall. Great for traveling. I've even used the pockets to hold children's toys in my diaper bag. I love being able to take just one bag if that's all I need. I honestly love this thing! 

Satin Lips: Lip Mask
Quantity: 2
Original Price: $10
Sale Price (including tax): $7.45

Satin Lips® Lip Mask contains miniature beads that gently exfoliate dead surface skin cells that cause lips to appear dull and lifeless.

This is such an amazing product! Of course I recommend using the Satin Lips lip balm after using this (because Satin Lips lip balm is the best- non greasy, lasts all day, and heals cracked lips faster than anything I've tried) but this rubs off all the gross extra skin that it improves any chapstick's performance. Gives lips a nice color too so if you're not into lip gloss or lipstick this is a nice way to keep your lips pretty!

Facial Highlighting Pen, Shade 2
Quantity: 1
Original Price: $18
Sale Price (including tax): $13.42

Special light-reflecting pigments in the Mary Kay® Facial Highlighting Pen optically “lift” the shadowy areas of your face. Instantly your skin looks brighter, your tone more even and your face more radiant.

-Diminishes small imperfections.

-Can be reapplied throughout the day

-Supersheer formula to keep you looking refreshed and natural.

-Easy-to-blend formula will not settle into fine lines.

You know all those Pinterest tutorials on contouring your face with concealer and 3 different shades of foundation? Tried that. Looked like a clown. Try this instead, instant lightening and brightening! It blends really well and will give your face that same dewy appearance! You can use it to make your eyes look bigger, hide bags under your eyes, and even make your nose look smaller!

Lipstick: Dusty Rose and Copper Star
Quantity: 1 each
Original Price: $15
Sale Price (including tax): $11.18
*Copper Star is no longer sold by Mary Kay so if this is your color, get this now! (It's a shimmery brown. Very neutral and pretty on most skin types!)

This long-wearing, stay-true formula glides on easily with a lightweight, creamy texture for rich color impact that lasts. Plus, it won’t feather or bleed.

-Vitamin E and a vitamin C derivative help defend against wrinkle-causing free radicals.
-Provides instant moisture.
-Suitable for sensitive skin.
-Clinically tested for skin irritancy and allergy.
-Fragrance-free.

I am SO not a lipstick person. At least I wasn't until I tried these creme lipsticks. They are smooth, not sticky, great color, and last a long time (both on your lips and it's lifetime). My 2 year old daughter loves them as well. You must twist it back down after using it or else the lid will smash it. BUT when that happened to me, thanks to Eliza, Mary Kay sent me a new one :)

Lip Gloss: Sugar Berry and Cream & Sugar
Quantity: 1 each
Original Price: $14
Sale Price (including tax): $10.44
*These colors are no longer sold by Mary Kay. This were my personal favorites!

• Get brilliant shine and an instant boost of moisture that leaves lips feeling nourished.
• -Loaded with good-for-you ingredients.
• -Smooths, protects and conditions lips.
• -Rich, intense, long-wearing shades
• -Custom-bottle fits in Mary Kay® Compact and Compact Pro®.

I can't say enough good things about this! My daughter is OBSESSED. I have to hide them from her :) Great colors. I love that it gives a hint of color without completely having to commit to a complete change. To make a professional look, add just a dab on the bottom center of your lip. This will transfer if you kiss your man immediately after, but give a few minutes and you'll be fine.


Oil Mattifier
Quantity: 1
Original Price: $16
Sale Price (including tax): $11.93

• This lightweight formula dries to a natural, matte finish, instantly absorbing oil and controlling shine for at least eight hours.
• -Suitable for sensitive skin.
• -Clinically tested for skin irritancy and allergy.
• -Fragrance- and oil-free.
• -Non-comedogenic (will not clog pores).
• -Hypoallergenic.

To be honest, I haven't tried this personally. However, if you have a problem with excess oil, give this a try. If it doesn't work I'll give you a full refund or you can exchange it and we'll find you something that does!

Mineral Foundation Beige 1 (looks good on most skin types)
Quantity: 1
Original Price: $20
Sale Price (including tax): $14.91

Mary Kay® Mineral Powder Foundation is a weightless, skin-perfecting powder that makes lines, wrinkles and other imperfections seem to disappear. You get the coverage of a foundation with the comfort of a powder.

-Buildable coverage blends effortlessly with the sweep of a brush for a flawless look.
-Long-wearing, transfer-resistant formula won’t fade away by midday.
-Controls shine and imparts a matte finish

EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE A POWDER FOUNDATION. At least in my opinion :) Even if you're using liquid, adding a sweep of powder on top will significantly extend the wear of your foundation. It's especially great if you have oily skin because it helps absorb the oil throughout the day. My skin changes colors so much that if I only used liquid I would need 6 different foundations throughout the year. Using a colored powder makes it possible for me to use 1 color year round. 

Mineral Eye Shadow: Amber Blaze
Quantity: 1
Original Price: $7
Sale Price (including tax): $5.21

• This long-lasting, fade-resistant, mineral-based formula delivers weightless, high-impact color in one swipe with a natural, luminous finish that looks gorgeous on any skin tone.
• -Glides on easily and applies smoothly and evenly
• -Contains vitamins A, C and E to help protect against wrinkle-causing free radicals.
• -Oil-absorbing properties. Crease-resistant.
• -Steel pan fits perfectly into the Mary Kay® Compac

Oooh I LOVE mineral eye colors!! I know that $7 sounds pricey for a single eye color ( this one is only $5!!). But let me tell you...they last a really long time!! I have 4 colors that I've been using for over 2 years now and I still have plenty left. I love the shimmer of this color! Goes on so fast, stays a long time (even longer if you use a primer). I have really oily eye lids so it creases a little by the end of the day (but not at all if I've used a primer) but I have used so many brands of eye shadow and this stays on the longest! This color is perfect for just about everyone. Add color without being too bold, it's a great natural look or base for something more fun! 

Black Eyeliner
Quantity: 1
Original Price: $12 
Sale Price (including tax):$8.94

Dark Brown Eyeliner
Quantity: 2

• Get beautiful, well-defined eyes with Mary Kay® Eyeliner.
• -Fantastic formula you’re sure to love.
• -Retractable pencil with built-in shaper helps you line the way you like.
• -Formulated with ingredients designed to provide a soft feel and enhanced glide while maintaining wear.
• -Treated pigments are included to help color last.
• -Contains antioxidants to help fight free radicals

This is definitely on my top 5 favorite Mary Kay products. Like I mentioned before I have oily skin, especially around my eyes so pretty much every eyeliner looks awful by noon. Not this one! Looks just as good at dinner as it did at breakfast! One day I cried for a really long time (can't remember why, but it was something lame I'm sure since I was in college) and when I went to redo my make up my eyeliner was intact! I was amazed! I love the thinness of the pencil and that you don't have to sharpen it, but you can if you want a really sharp line and the sharpener is built in! It works great it the water line and smudges makes an amazing smokey eye. I'm a super cheap-o but I'd pay double what it costs because I love it that much! (But then I discovered MKs gel eye-liner.... ooh it's even better! I can take a 20 min shower in hot water and steam and it stays put. That's $18, if you're interested :D)

For a more natural look, lately I've been using the deep brown on my bottom lash and the black on the top. 


Extra Discount $5 Lipsticks. These were used as samples only, and only a few times. Full size product, completely sanitary (what was used was scraped off). Click on color name to see a better representation of color. These pics are to show the wear on each stick.

Maple

Frosted Rose

Gingerbread

Shell

 Copper Star