Pregnancy and Baby tips on a budget!

So many people are afraid of having kids because of how expensive they are. Yes another family member means more money spent but I assure you that a child doesn't need to bankrupt you. I know it's hard when we see gorgeous nurseries on Pinterest but your baby can come home from the hospital and sleep in a $20 pack n play you got off Craigslist wrapped in a blanket from a friend and she will survive just fine. Yes, a $600 stroller is probably a lot easier to fold up one handed and use in general, but if you can't afford it, your child will live through it. There's nothing wrong with buying nice or high end things, but don't get stuck in the trap of "needing" top of the line items.

Here are a few ways I've made having babies a little easier on our bank accounts as well as some tips for getting through it all.

Pregnancy

Sleep

• If you are having a hard time sleeping at night, get a pregnancy pillow! They are pretty pricey so I tried out this boomerang pillow from Shopko and have loved it! It supports my hips and back and doesn’t take up the entire bed, I love it! And you can usually find it on sale for $15! My first pregnancy I was trying to save money and so I’d sleep with 3 different pillows propped around me. It was a little ridiculous and I’d wake up a lot to shift the pillows. With my 2nd I bought one of these and wondered why I didn’t get one the first time around! I actually still slept with it well after baby was here.

• Sleep as much as you can. You might feel lazy but I promise that when the baby comes you will curse yourself for not sleeping more when you had the chance.

• Maternity clothes can be pretty pricey. Check out your nearest Ross for shirts under $10 and pants/shorts less than $20. (and if you don't mind used clothes the D.I, Goodwill, or consignment stores are a great option too!)

• If you have muscle cramps, soreness, or charlie horses, increase your Tums intake. Those are often signs of not having enough calcium. Helps with heartburn as well (obviously). Your body takes care of your baby first and since the baby is growing his entire skeleton, it tends to take a lot of your calcium. I remember in my Nutrition class my professor telling us that undernourished women will lose their teeth during pregnancy due to a lack of calcium (and other nutrients) so increase your calcium! And take a multivitamin every day!

• You do not have to suffer when you’re pregnant. A lot of people think that there aren’t safe medications to take while pregnant, especially for a cold but there is! Call your doctor to find out what is safe.  I promise. Don’t suffer when it’s not necessary. There are enough pains you can’t do anything about so take care of what you can. (When you’re nursing cold medicines get trickier because sinus relievers will dry up your milk).  If you have such bad heartburn that Tums aren’t touching it, talk to your doctor about something stronger. I used Prilosec and it was amazing to not have heartburn.

• And at the same time, new studies are always coming out about what's safe or not. I took Zofran with baby #2 and by baby #3 (which wasn't that long after) there was some evidence that it might cause birth defects so my doctor prescribed me something else. So basically, use your best judgement. Don't suffer, but make sure you talk with your health provider about what is safe (many medications have been proven safe so you shouldn't have to worry) and what possible side effects there might be.

• If you are suffering from morning sickness, try keeping crackers by your bed and eat a few before even sitting up. I would feel fine until I stood up then the nausea would come on and there was nothing I could do about it. Preventative care is always worth it. I also ate a lot of candy canes (luckily I was pregnant around Christmas) because peppermint helps with nausea. Protein in the morning also helps with morning sickness. I drank chocolate milk and a whole wheat bagel with peanut butter every morning my first trimester and it helped SO much. But if these don’t work, don’t be scared to ask for an anti-nausea medication. When I finally “broke down” and got some I felt to dumb for trying to just “get through” the nausea. I was a new person when I didn’t feel like I needed to run to the bathroom every 30 minutes

• If you are a C-section mama, I recommend getting a belly band for support after. I really liked this one. It's NOT shapeware, it's a bit bulky but not too bad. I LOVED having it in the hospital and for the weeks after, especially at night when I'm getting out of bed to get the baby. I feel like I was more stable and not as easily fatigued when I used this after baby #2 vs baby #1 when I didn't use anything (both c-sections)

Nursing

• Nursing Bras: It's nice to have a good stash of these, especially if you are prone to leaking. $20 for a bra doesn't sound too bad, but if you are changing it at least once a day, having plenty can get pricey. I used these Bandinis from Walmart (about 2/$10). I like them because they have great coverage and you can wear them with straps or with out. Without straps makes night feeding really easy. I even found some on the clearance rack for $1 so I bought all they had in my size. By the way, if you're using them for right after baby, but a size or 2 bigger than you normally would.
• 

• On the topic of nursing...reusable nursing pads. This is one of the few times my pregnancy fatigue laziness worked out. My friend showed me how to make some reusable nursing pads by sewing or serging together 5 circles of flannel. Well I don't have a serger and I have a bad relationship with my mom's sewing machine so all I did was get the circles cut out. When it came time to use them I stacked as many as I needed and stuck them in my bra. I'd use 6 at night and 3 during the day, sometimes only 1 if I wasn't worried but wanted a little bit of protection, just in case. Make them about 6 inches in diameter using any flannel (no one sees them, so it doesn't have to be cute. Wash them with whatever laundry you want. I can't remember how many I made but if you're using 12 a day and doing laundry once a week you'd need 84. They are also nice to soak in water and freeze then apply to sore breasts.

• You can make a nursing tanktop for under $2 and no sewing required. Simply cut the straps off a cami. I know there are tutorials out there about sewing a loop so it hooks on your bra, but camis are tight enough they stay up all by themselves. I like using them so my back doesn't show when I nurse. Forever 21 has really inexpensive camis in a lot of colors and styles.
• 

• Baby

• If you've got a particularly spitty baby and burp cloths just aren't cutting it, try using microfiber cloths for burp rags. My brother-in-law held bought us a big Costco pack after holding my little one for 15 minutes. I assure you, they were well used!

• Lets talk pajamas: There's nothing cuter than footie pajamas. But if you buy the footless ones like these from Children's Place then they last a lot longer. Just put socks on your kiddo to keep their toes warm if their room gets cold at night. I also love the sleep dresses, once they don't cover my babies legs any more I use them as their pajama top and an inexpensive pack of pants or footed pants on bottom, making their value last much longer.

• Amazon mom: If your baby needs brand name diapers and wipes this is the way to go. They often have coupons to clip as well so I check back every few days and will order diapers in advanced so I can get name brand diapers for cheaper than Walmart brand. I also have been really liking their Amazon essentials wipes. But I've found it's hard to recommend brands for diapers and wipes because every baby's bottom is different.

Mary Kay Spring Cleaning Sale (30% 0ff)

It's time to clean out my inventory!! On all of these I'm offering 30% off. Free shipping. Black text is copied from MaryKay.Com, blue text is my review and personal opinion of the product :) Happy discount shopping!
(*price is per single item)

Travel Roll-Up Bag
Quantity: 2
Original Price: $35
Sale Price (including tax): $26.10

This all-in-one must-have organizer is ideal for storing your Mary Kay® cosmetics, skin care products and accessories whether you’re at home or on the road.

• Stylish bag features a black nylon exterior with the Mary Kay® logo, pink interior and black swivel hook for easy hanging.
• Inside, there are four clear, removable plastic zippered compartments to keep beauty supplies organized.
• Simple velcro close and nylon carrying handle make for easy portability.

I absolutely love my roll-up bag. Living in tiny apartments with very litter drawer/counter/cupboard space for the last 6 years has been made so much easier by this! I can fit all of my make up, face products, contacts and solution, hair elastics and bobby pins in the one convenient bag. Keep in under the sink or hang on the wall. Great for traveling. I've even used the pockets to hold children's toys in my diaper bag. I love being able to take just one bag if that's all I need. I honestly love this thing! 

Satin Lips: Lip Mask
Quantity: 2
Original Price: $10
Sale Price (including tax): $7.45

Satin Lips® Lip Mask contains miniature beads that gently exfoliate dead surface skin cells that cause lips to appear dull and lifeless.

This is such an amazing product! Of course I recommend using the Satin Lips lip balm after using this (because Satin Lips lip balm is the best- non greasy, lasts all day, and heals cracked lips faster than anything I've tried) but this rubs off all the gross extra skin that it improves any chapstick's performance. Gives lips a nice color too so if you're not into lip gloss or lipstick this is a nice way to keep your lips pretty!

Facial Highlighting Pen, Shade 2
Quantity: 1
Original Price: $18
Sale Price (including tax): $13.42

Special light-reflecting pigments in the Mary Kay® Facial Highlighting Pen optically “lift” the shadowy areas of your face. Instantly your skin looks brighter, your tone more even and your face more radiant.

-Diminishes small imperfections.

-Can be reapplied throughout the day

-Supersheer formula to keep you looking refreshed and natural.

-Easy-to-blend formula will not settle into fine lines.

You know all those Pinterest tutorials on contouring your face with concealer and 3 different shades of foundation? Tried that. Looked like a clown. Try this instead, instant lightening and brightening! It blends really well and will give your face that same dewy appearance! You can use it to make your eyes look bigger, hide bags under your eyes, and even make your nose look smaller!

Lipstick: Dusty Rose and Copper Star
Quantity: 1 each
Original Price: $15
Sale Price (including tax): $11.18
*Copper Star is no longer sold by Mary Kay so if this is your color, get this now! (It's a shimmery brown. Very neutral and pretty on most skin types!)

This long-wearing, stay-true formula glides on easily with a lightweight, creamy texture for rich color impact that lasts. Plus, it won’t feather or bleed.

-Vitamin E and a vitamin C derivative help defend against wrinkle-causing free radicals.
-Provides instant moisture.
-Suitable for sensitive skin.
-Clinically tested for skin irritancy and allergy.
-Fragrance-free.

I am SO not a lipstick person. At least I wasn't until I tried these creme lipsticks. They are smooth, not sticky, great color, and last a long time (both on your lips and it's lifetime). My 2 year old daughter loves them as well. You must twist it back down after using it or else the lid will smash it. BUT when that happened to me, thanks to Eliza, Mary Kay sent me a new one :)

Lip Gloss: Sugar Berry and Cream & Sugar
Quantity: 1 each
Original Price: $14
Sale Price (including tax): $10.44
*These colors are no longer sold by Mary Kay. This were my personal favorites!

• Get brilliant shine and an instant boost of moisture that leaves lips feeling nourished.
• -Loaded with good-for-you ingredients.
• -Smooths, protects and conditions lips.
• -Rich, intense, long-wearing shades
• -Custom-bottle fits in Mary Kay® Compact and Compact Pro®.

I can't say enough good things about this! My daughter is OBSESSED. I have to hide them from her :) Great colors. I love that it gives a hint of color without completely having to commit to a complete change. To make a professional look, add just a dab on the bottom center of your lip. This will transfer if you kiss your man immediately after, but give a few minutes and you'll be fine.


Oil Mattifier
Quantity: 1
Original Price: $16
Sale Price (including tax): $11.93

• This lightweight formula dries to a natural, matte finish, instantly absorbing oil and controlling shine for at least eight hours.
• -Suitable for sensitive skin.
• -Clinically tested for skin irritancy and allergy.
• -Fragrance- and oil-free.
• -Non-comedogenic (will not clog pores).
• -Hypoallergenic.

To be honest, I haven't tried this personally. However, if you have a problem with excess oil, give this a try. If it doesn't work I'll give you a full refund or you can exchange it and we'll find you something that does!

Mineral Foundation Beige 1 (looks good on most skin types)
Quantity: 1
Original Price: $20
Sale Price (including tax): $14.91

Mary Kay® Mineral Powder Foundation is a weightless, skin-perfecting powder that makes lines, wrinkles and other imperfections seem to disappear. You get the coverage of a foundation with the comfort of a powder.

-Buildable coverage blends effortlessly with the sweep of a brush for a flawless look.
-Long-wearing, transfer-resistant formula won’t fade away by midday.
-Controls shine and imparts a matte finish

EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE A POWDER FOUNDATION. At least in my opinion :) Even if you're using liquid, adding a sweep of powder on top will significantly extend the wear of your foundation. It's especially great if you have oily skin because it helps absorb the oil throughout the day. My skin changes colors so much that if I only used liquid I would need 6 different foundations throughout the year. Using a colored powder makes it possible for me to use 1 color year round. 

Mineral Eye Shadow: Amber Blaze
Quantity: 1
Original Price: $7
Sale Price (including tax): $5.21

• This long-lasting, fade-resistant, mineral-based formula delivers weightless, high-impact color in one swipe with a natural, luminous finish that looks gorgeous on any skin tone.
• -Glides on easily and applies smoothly and evenly
• -Contains vitamins A, C and E to help protect against wrinkle-causing free radicals.
• -Oil-absorbing properties. Crease-resistant.
• -Steel pan fits perfectly into the Mary Kay® Compac

Oooh I LOVE mineral eye colors!! I know that $7 sounds pricey for a single eye color ( this one is only $5!!). But let me tell you...they last a really long time!! I have 4 colors that I've been using for over 2 years now and I still have plenty left. I love the shimmer of this color! Goes on so fast, stays a long time (even longer if you use a primer). I have really oily eye lids so it creases a little by the end of the day (but not at all if I've used a primer) but I have used so many brands of eye shadow and this stays on the longest! This color is perfect for just about everyone. Add color without being too bold, it's a great natural look or base for something more fun! 

Black Eyeliner
Quantity: 1
Original Price: $12 
Sale Price (including tax):$8.94

Dark Brown Eyeliner
Quantity: 2

• Get beautiful, well-defined eyes with Mary Kay® Eyeliner.
• -Fantastic formula you’re sure to love.
• -Retractable pencil with built-in shaper helps you line the way you like.
• -Formulated with ingredients designed to provide a soft feel and enhanced glide while maintaining wear.
• -Treated pigments are included to help color last.
• -Contains antioxidants to help fight free radicals

This is definitely on my top 5 favorite Mary Kay products. Like I mentioned before I have oily skin, especially around my eyes so pretty much every eyeliner looks awful by noon. Not this one! Looks just as good at dinner as it did at breakfast! One day I cried for a really long time (can't remember why, but it was something lame I'm sure since I was in college) and when I went to redo my make up my eyeliner was intact! I was amazed! I love the thinness of the pencil and that you don't have to sharpen it, but you can if you want a really sharp line and the sharpener is built in! It works great it the water line and smudges makes an amazing smokey eye. I'm a super cheap-o but I'd pay double what it costs because I love it that much! (But then I discovered MKs gel eye-liner.... ooh it's even better! I can take a 20 min shower in hot water and steam and it stays put. That's $18, if you're interested :D)

For a more natural look, lately I've been using the deep brown on my bottom lash and the black on the top. 


Extra Discount $5 Lipsticks. These were used as samples only, and only a few times. Full size product, completely sanitary (what was used was scraped off). Click on color name to see a better representation of color. These pics are to show the wear on each stick.

Maple

Frosted Rose

Gingerbread

Shell

 Copper Star

If A Picture Paints A Thousand Words...

Please tell me at least one of you started singing the Bread song "If" after reading that title :)

We've all heard the saying, "A picture paints a thousand words." But I'm here to tell you that these days, A picture on Instagram paints a thousand misleading words.

After my last post I had a few people tell me that my family photo (and others I posted) made it seem like I had everything together.  I literally laughed out loud. I'll tell you why at the end of this post. It funny because I actually make an effort to post real-life pictures but I still came off as having it together. Remember this photo?

I posted this because I felt that it really showed what was going on in my life but I don't think I communicated that fact very well. Andrew was so colicy, Eliza was so clingy, I spent my days soaking up spit up and carrying two children while still recovering from my c-section. And to be honest, I only smiled about half the time. But I tried so hard to be positive .

Here's Eliza walking around in her upside down crown and princess shoes. I took in her public like that a lot. In fact sometime in November during a playgroup my neighbor told me, "I think this is the first time I've seen Eliza wear real shoes." Yup. Princess shoes or bare feet. (Also notice, the 2 bright yellow micro-fiber cloths. Andrew spit up so much that was the only thing that could clean it up. Also the shoes, clothes, and toys in the front room)

She also wore this fairy costume A LOT. And you know what? No one laughed at me (in my face) about it. Aaand check out her *awesome* hair.

There were a few weeks where Eliza never had pants on when Dave came home. Because she ALWAYS had a potty emergency in the middle of making dinner so I'd get her underwear on and then run back to keep my kitchen from catching fire.  (Is that a diaper next to the tramp?)

This kid slept so much in my bed. It's the only place I could get him to sleep. It was not pleasant for me. Again, see the bed of car shammies? Unless you've had a kid like that, you cannot understand the volume of spit up coming out of this little guy.

Shorts and a winter coat... in public...On a warm day

Haha WHAT is she wearing?? In the rain no coat or shoes...no big deal.  

When I first moved to Pullman this is how I spent my mornings. I was too tired to do anything else so I'd try to sleep more and Eliza would watch TV. One day she watched 5...FIVE... episodes of Curious George in a row. 

This is my favorite real life photo. Andrew is mid-spitting-up...Eliza is in her jammies... IN MY BED!!  ...this is really what I look at all day.

Now... A thousand(ish...not really) words about this photo...My perfect little family :)

OK this was taken on Andrew's BLESSING day. Which was less stressful than it could have been because I didn't invite a ton of people. But still trying to run around and get pictures and talk to everyone was stressful. And then I completely forgot to get pictures of Andrew and anyone on my side of the family...WHOOPS! Then it starts POURING rain so I'm frantically calling the Paynes to make sure pictures are still on since we're moving that week... Eliza didn't nap because of church. I've tried on like 15 pair of pants struggling with making me not look pregnant still....threading rubber bands through button holes trying to make normal jeans work... I ended up wearing maternity jeans...Eliza was a mess through the whole picture taking. This was not a good day for me. So yes, this picture is beautiful but we definitely do not have it all together!

Just remember, for every beautiful picture that's posted online, there's 50 other blurry shots of kids fighting, dishes piling up, and loads of laundry being washed for the 4th time because they keep not making it to the dryer.

The Truth About Having 2 Kids

Back when Andrew was only 2 months old, I felt like I should write down what was happening in my life so others contemplating a 2nd might be able to understand how life would change. And now after reading it, I realize it was a lot more for my benefit to see how much I've grown and changed. I haven't been brave enough to post it before now but I think I'm ready for it. Remember this was my experience and it was just a few days. Some have better experiences and some have worse. So here it is:

I have two children, Eliza who turned two two days ago and Andrew who is 8.5 weeks old. This is my experience raising these children.

This morning was awful. For some reason my body decided to double the amount of milk it makes or maybe Andrew didn't eat as well last night but either way I woke up feeling like I was laying on a rock. Of course he just keeps snoozing away in his bouncer and doesn't care that his lack of appetite is causing me so much pain. But his lack of concern didn't matter because before 6 AM Eliza came screaming down the hall and laid right on top of me. I really hoped Dave would take her. I was more awake than usual but I played dead in hopes Dave would take her off my hands. Or my painfully engorged chest in this case... I could hear the irritation in his voice but I played possum well. I'd already started so I figured I'd better finish strong. He left the room with her and I could tell he was already highly irritated with her which made me feel bad but I wasn't sure I'd be any more patient so I let it play out until I could tell they had had enough of each other. I made Dave go back to bed "I'm up now, its fine" he said "Lay down for 2 minutes and you'll fall asleep" I replied "Yeah probably" he doesn't move. "Seriously, go back to bed. There's no reason for us both to be awake so if you don't go back to bed, I will" (and trust me, I meant it)

He went back to bed. I eventually got Eliza to fall asleep then I bathed and changed Andrew. I tried to go back to sleep as well but it always seems that is the best time to remember everything I need to do. It turned out fine though as Eliza came screaming down the hall again. Dave mumbled "l'll get her" when I was half way down the hall. We cuddled for a while but eventually I couldn't stand my smell any longer so we took a shower. I shower every day. I'm not sure what it is, probably the crazy hormones and hopefully they figure themselves out soon because I always smell! 

I feel really bad about my body. I hurt, I'm pudgy, I smell. I get tired holding my kids. I have a constant mild headache, I'm stressed about the move. Nothing fits right and we have more family pictures. I'm not sure what my knee is going to do when I start exercising. I want to run. I know it will be frustrating.

I'm starting to feel anxious and depressed again.

Saturday, August 2
Went to bed at almost 1. Andrew woke up to eat at 2,4,&6 Eliza came in at 7. Dave hit me in the face and gave me a bloody nose sometime when I was actually sleeping. He apologized for the next 3 hours until I yelled at him to stop. He hadn't stopped talking in his sleep all night. My friend came over so I could hem her dress. Did it creatively to keep original hem. Ended up taking off twice the amount necessary (glad I didn't cut anything). Sewed a practice of Andrews blessing pants . Failed miserably. Had a break down, asked to borrow Jennies. Tried again, worked! Made official pair, my first project where no unpicking was necessary. Dropped into bed. Eliza woke up. Looking at the time I realized I didn't have time for a nap. Visited Dave's grandma. Braved a new, large, terrifying store. Had dinner with in laws. Organized and finalized clothing selection. Feel dumb because I'm the only one who thinks the gray and brown didn't look good together. But whatever because Eliza makes everything look good.

Go home. Feel bad about not fitting into clothes. In love with jeggings. Probably look ridiculous. I don't  care.

Sunday
Eliza was crazy during pictures. Super stressed about moving. I'm barely hanging on, barely keeping it together. I just want to cry and then sleep for 12 hours. And then watch TV by myself. Feeling depressed and lonely but mostly I feel stupid for feeling that way. Why can't I just get my act together? I need to just get my stuff packed. Organized, folded...not a big deal, right? I'll just send Eliza away for a few hours a day. I'm excited for my massage on Tuesday. I really need to relax. Why is Dave obsessing over getting rid of our couch? I need to sell our drier.

I still want to cry. Eliza is out of control right now. She should have gone to bed 2 hours ago. I just want to be in Pullman. I can't handle the stress anymore.

Monday
Andrew usually wakes up at 3 or 4 to eat. He slept until 6! I am ecstatic! and I feel great!

So there it is... if you are struggling, give me a call. I'll listen to you vent then take your kids for a few hours so you can cry, sleep, and watch TV. I'm grateful for all my family and friends who helped me through that rough patch!

 (I forgot about Andrew's old-man-baldness haha)

(OK fine...my gray and Eliza's brown doesn't look bad)

Thank you, Mom!

Read in Jimmy Fallon "thank you notes" fashion:

Thank you, Mom, for literally being the only reason I use the word 'literally' correctly.

Thank you, Mom, for doing my science fair project [board] and making it look like I did it. 

Whenever I think back on all the things my mom did for me I focus on the middle-high school years. I remember all the forgotten assignments brought to me at school, last-minute cramming late at night (hello science fair!), driving from orchestra to cross-country to soccer to basketball to mutual, and drinking green drinks (before they were popular, by the way) with 7-grain crockpot cereal in the morning. I am always so amazed and grateful for that.

One night I was up multiple times with each child and I kept thinking " You have no idea what I'm doing for you right now. You will never know how hard this is for me. You'll never even remember tonight- how I brought you water (Eliza), got soaked in spit up (Andrew), and rocked you for an hour to keep you from screaming (both). You will never appreciate this sacrifice because you will never remember tonight."

Then suddenly I realized that one time--- roughly 24 years ago, I too was a baby and had sweet mom who rocked me all night knowing that I would never remember it, and did it anyway.


When I think about all the things my mom has done for me I completely overlook the long tiring months of being pregnant (and the period of time of not being able to get pregnant), the long painful labor she did drug-free, and the sacrifice she made to leave teaching school to stay home with my siblings and me. Even if she did cry when she was told I was a girl, she still loved me. She nursed me no matter how painful it got. She rocked me to sleep every night so I could fall asleep happy. She woke up countless times in the night because I woke up countless times in the night. With my little brother (child #5!!) she would walk all night bouncing him because he would only sleep being held and would cry if she sat down. And then she had to get up early to get other kids to school! Once they were off she still had that baby and a three year old to take care of all day! And probably coached somebody's team in the afternoon! Plus she likely taught a few piano lessons or took the other kids to various sports/music practice. How?! How did she do it? How can someone be so sleep deprived and drained from giving literally everything they have into their family and just keep going day after day, year after year? I feel like I'm drowning with a newborn and a two year old. I can't even imagine having a new-born, a 3 year old, an 8 year old, an 11 year old, AND a 13 year old. A newborn AND a teenager? Now THAT'S what I call a super power!

She cleaned up mess after mess and cooked meal after meal after meal after meal after meal (repeat forever). The stress, the anxiety, the worry, the sleepless nights, the soccer games, the [boring] track meets, counting diapers and blocks to make sure nothing got lost and searching tirelessly until they were found. We give her a hard time about it but let's be honest--- I'm simply too lazy to care if all 80 Megablocks make it back into the toy box.

Moms, especially mine, deserve a serious shoutout for all the things they've done that have gone unnoticed and unappreciated for so long.

Thanks for the long, sleepless nights. All the meals, all the rides, all the meals, all the practices, games, and performances, all the doctors appointments, all the green drinks, herbal tea, foot massages, in-home hair color experiments, the parent teacher conferences, the meals, the trips, all the sports equipment, and the all the love. This list could go on forever (literally). 

Thank you Mom. 

(I love this picture of my Mom!)

God loves us. Always.

"God does notice us, and he watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs." -Spencer W. Kimball

But sometimes, God does notice us and while watching over us, He meets our needs himself in small little blessings throughout day.

In May we moved from Logan to Salt Lake into my parent's basement. I was 8 months pregnant and we only moved about a quarter of our things, the rest was in storage to move to Pullman, WA at the beginning of August. It was sad and stressful to leave Logan, it was frustrating to not have all my things with me, and while I am so grateful for my parents in letting us stay in their basement, it's stressful to live in someone else's space. The birth of my 2nd child was quickly approaching and I had to decide if I was going to have a repeat c section or try for vaginal birth. While I was leaning towards the c section, it felt as if everyone thought that was the worst idea ever and I felt like a bad person for wanting it. Stressful. My first was 21 months old. Stressful. Things like insurance, student loans, getting housing and everything else for Pullman figured out, worrying about the new baby, worrying about how Eliza would handle it, and life in general.... Stressful! I wish there was a stronger word to use.

I was exhausted. I wasn't sleeping in my bed, with my pillows, with my sheets... and I was 8 months pregnant with a body that was falling apart. 

So exhaustion + hormones + stress=

Here's the word so many people are afraid of...ANXIETY.

And my anxiety became depression. I was depressed. I didn't want to get out of bed, I didn't want time to move forward because that meant change. And change was the last thing I needed or wanted.

I prayed. Not very well though. Laying on my side briefly mustering up a few thanks and a few requests before painfully drifting off into an uncomfortable sleep. 

Scripture study was even worse. I'd get at least a verse but if it was more than that my weary brain would wander into other territory. 

Despite my lack of effort, despite how little I was trying to connect to God, He still blessed me. I've always believed that blessings follow obedience. But I was not doing the little things that usually bring the spirit into my life and allow me to feel close to God. In fact, I didn't feel close at all. And I didn't really feel like trying.

But every day, multiple times a day, I felt God's love for me. Every day I heard that still small voice whisper to me over and over, "I know this is hard. I know you're doing everything you can and I know you don't feel like it's enough. And I love you. I love you so much, I will take care of you. I will get you through this."

I always meant to write down the little blessing that happened but never got around to it. They were so minuscule that I can't remember most of them now. 

But one I do remember: I was on the phone for something and received bad news about that something (pregnancy/newborn brain has caused me to lose the details). I hung up about to break down in tears but I noticed I'd gotten an important e-mail I'd been waiting for at that exact time. Such a little thing, but I knew that God was on my side and no matter how many frustrating phone calls it took, everything would work out for me. 

Another time I went to the grocery store and found exactly what I needed on the first time down the aisle. Some people might not think that's a big deal. But it was to me. It was huge in that moment. That's exactly what I needed. 

Little blessings. Every day. God was watching over me. And I know he loves me.  Now I'm in a much better place and am able to pray, read, and serve with more fervor and the blessings just keep coming. Because He is my Father and I know he loves me. I know he loves each and every one of us. He is constantly pouring blessings out because we are our children. Even though we aren't perfect, even though life gets us down, he is always there for us. Always. 

I've taken myself for granted far too long

The other day I was looking for a picture and came across these pictures from my freshman year of college:

There was something in these pictures that shocked me. The girl in those pictures is NOT the girl in my memory. I won’t go into all the details of the differences between those two Aimees because they aren’t important to anyone but me. What is important is that the girl in those pictures is reality and sadly, the girl in my memory has been warped.

Suddenly I realized- I’ve been taking myself for granted. I have not fully appreciated myself for all that I am...and that’s so sad. I’m not talking just about weight, looks, and running ability either. It got me to thinking about all my talents and abilities that I have not appreciated how special they are. For example, people used to tell me what I great smile I had. That actually happened a lot, especially from people that I didn’t even know. I always thought it was weird and never saw what they did. But I can see it in those pictures- I see so much more clearly now what they saw. (This isn’t supposed to sound vain so I hope it’s not coming off that way).

I have been given so much but I have spent far too much of my life focusing on what I wasn’t that I’ve ended up wasting a lot of time.

To further illustrate this point, I’ll take you back to my high school track days. I wanted to be a miler, it’s only four times around the track. For a while my fastest time was a 5:32. Now, if you’re not a runner that sounds fast. But I promise, it’s not. It’s good, but not great. That time wouldn’t get me to a state meet. So when I finally broke my record and got a 5:28 I was ecstatic!!! Breaking the 5:30 barrier was huge for me! But that excitement didn’t last long. Maybe only until my next mile. I didn’t get another 5:28,in fact I never broke that time. To this day I have never run a mile faster than 5:28. I was so focused on where I wasn’t, I didn’t appreciate how fast I was. but now I wonder, when would I have been happy? How fast would I have had to get to feel like I was a good enough runner? My guess is it wouldn’t have happened. If I could have beat 5:28 I would have been thrilled for a short time and then I wouldn’t have been happy until I beat that next personal record and the next and the next.

I’m not saying that I shouldn’t try to improve- of course I should. I just wonder how things might have been different had I celebrated where I was at and what I did to get there instead of constantly berating myself for not being better.

I do this to myself all the time. I’m not a great housekeeper. But holy smokes I’m so much better than I was when I first got married. Yet I’m still constantly getting down on myself for it. Dave has to remind me all the time that it’s ok and I can try again tomorrow. And he really appreciates my growth. I’m so much better than I used to be and that's something to celebrate while continuing to improve.

I think we can celebrate our gifts and talents and still be humble. In fact I think we all need celebrate ourselves a little more. I believe this will lead to more happiness and greater success. Let’s not waste our talents by not acknowledging them until it’s too late.